Motivational Humor – Dave Glardon

One Small Hole Can Sink the Ship

October 19, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning and, dare I say, happy Monday! I hope your day and your week are off to a great start!

I’m sending this one out a bit earlier than normal. Sure, same day, but to some readers it’s a completely different time of day. In fact, for most of my readers, it’s dinnertime or later. So, to those of you in China, I’m doing this for you! For several weeks, your readership has been many times higher than the rest of the world combined. Welcome to the party!

I guess it just goes to show that a message of hope and positivity can bridge not only languages, but civilizations and political ideologies. That doesn’t surprise me, because at the end of the day we all want the same thing – a life of health and happiness, and enough wealth to make it enjoyable. What that means is entirely up to you. We all define success in our own terms.

When people ask what I write, I tell them motivational humor. “Why? What are you trying to accomplish?” Well, I want to help people find a higher level of success in life. Besides, I’m writing a book, and I’d like to find an audience who may want to buy it. Let’s be real, posting blogs online isn’t a profitable enterprise. It’s something you do as much for yourself as anyone.

But last week a close friend asked me the same question, and instead of the rehearsed answer, I gave it a little thought. I finally told her I’m trying to help readers achieve a higher level of self-actualization. That’s more than just success. It’s more than just making your dreams come true. It’s about fully experiencing life on your terms, or at least on terms acceptable to you.

If you took Psychology 101, you’ve heard of self-actualization. It comes from the mind of Abraham Maslow who, in 1943, defined the human “Hierarchy of Needs.” It takes the shape of a pyramid, with physiological needs (air, food, shelter, etc.) at the bottom of five levels, going through safety needs, love & belonging, and esteem, with self-actualization at the top.

The idea is simple – you have to fill in the bottom layers before you can build higher. Unless you’ve got adequate food and shelter, acceptance and esteem are pretty low on the list of priorities. And even if you do achieve self-actualization (not everyone does), let somebody hold your head underwater, and you’ll drop right back down to the bottom of the pyramid.

When we talk of success, people always think of business and financial success. That is, after all, what we’ve been conditioned to think. But it occurred to me that, in the pursuit of self-actualization, we need to be successful in not some, but all areas of our lives. And sure, that’s a tall order. But it is attainable. It just takes a lot of work and a little luck.

That’s why I talk sometimes about health. You can be as successful as you want in your career, but health can halt your progress faster than anything. Take it from the guy who went for a leisurely bicycle ride three years ago and ended up having a stroke. It can happen to any of us. I was able to go back to work. Not everyone has that option.

I talked Friday about being kind and ending everyday interactions in a way that leaves others feeling valued. Unless your ultimate aim is to be the world’s most formidable jackass (I think that title has already been claimed), kindness will factor into your best version of yourself. You can’t spread misery and enjoy happiness.

Finally, I talk a lot about dreams. I think dreams are our most important possessions, because it’s from dreams that life’s greatest achievements are born. In the words of Disney Imagineer Tom Fitzgerald, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” But the opposite is also true – if you can’t dream it, you probably can’t do it. Dreams are that important.

So, if you’ve noticed a gradual change in my writing, it’s just a natural part of this blog’s growth. As a comedian, they told us it takes 6-8 years to find out who you are onstage. I think the same is true of writers. We evolve, partly from our own needs and partly from getting to know our readers. So, please, introduce yourself. We could become best friends!

That’s all for today. I don’t think there’s any overriding message, other than in order to be the ideal version of yourself (in your own mind), you’ll need to find success in every area of your life. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. And that’s all any of us can ask of ourselves. As for how we get there, that’s a journey we can take together. Have an awesome day!

Dog Slobber Tripping You Up?

October 12, 2026October 13, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning! It’s Monday again, as if you needed a reminder of that. I hope yours is starting off nicely.

At the start of each week, I try to figure out the things I need to do before week’s end. I tried that last Monday, as you may recall. I’d like to say life got in the way, but that wouldn’t be nice. It’s also not true. What mostly got in the way last week was me. I did everything except what I was supposed to do and then spent the weekend trying to catch up. But the pool was nice.

So, this week, part of my list is pre-populated. I’d like to say I won’t accept any excuses, but I’ve met me. I know better. My lower back is already giving me an excuse, and that one is kinda hard to ignore. But part of coming here and telling folks how to move forward is admitting when I’ve messed up and getting back on track.

For me, that means getting active and building some strength and energy. It’s amazing how fast we lose it when we don’t use it, especially as we age. Also, I’m taking medicine to help me lose weight. It works great, except it has this side-effect of losing muscle faster than fat. I need a pill that turns bourbon into muscle and fat into poop. Anyone???

I’ve got a bicycle sitting on the carport. It’s a nice one, too, but it’s covered in dust. The last time I rode it, I had a stroke. Not a stroke of genius or a stroke of good luck – just a plain old, garden-variety stroke. Some of you may remember. It wasn’t a bad one, and I came away unscathed, mostly. Except now I have an excuse when I say something stupid.

Earlier this year I put air in the tires and took a short ride down the street. The gears weren’t shifting right, so I brought it home. A week later, the tires were flat again. So, I installed new tubes. But it still wasn’t shifting right, so a neighbor tuned it up for me. Now the tires are good, it shifts perfectly, and the chain is oiled. I even wiped off most of the dust. I’m out of excuses.

So, what’s stopping me? I’ve wondered at times if my hesitance is due to the way my last ride ended. I’d like to think I’m not afraid, but Pavlov’s dog proved that two seemingly unrelated things can be completely intertwined in the brain. For the dog, a ringing bell meant food was coming. Maybe in my mind, that bicycle caused the stroke.

Okay, we both know better. But Pavlovian conditioning is very real and it can be crippling. My wife had a head-on collision 23 years ago, and to this day her heart stops if a semi next to us drifts an inch in either direction. She can drive, but she doesn’t really want to. And in heavy traffic, I won’t let her. Not with my nerves in the car.

The point of all this is that we need to pay attention to those Pavlovian events that may be getting in the way of what we should be doing. I’m not talking about the little jobs I never got done last week. I’m talking big picture. You know, like riding a bike. Okay, maybe not quite that trivial, but you get the idea. For me, that’s just one step in my journey to better health.

What’s standing between you and your goals? That’s not always so easily identified. More often than we may realize, there’s some dark event in our past that we associate with whatever we were doing at the time. And that’s not entirely bad. It’s what kept the first caveman from picking up a rattlesnake again. But bicycles and strokes? Come on, Dave!

If we can identify those negative events that are holding us back, the solution seems pretty simple – try again, but don’t blow it this time. Success breeds success, and failure breeds fear. Keep trying. All it takes is to hit the ball one time, and you’ll swing a little harder the next. Learn to work past those fears, and nothing can hold you back.

That’s all for now. Think about those silent factors that may be standing in your way, and why. What are the real hazards, and which can we write off to Pavlov and his slobbering dog? Separate those, and you’re on your way. Have an awesome day!

Hold That Sneeze!

October 9, 2026October 9, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a great start.

It’s October, and this is the time of year we start paying closer attention to our health, especially on this side of the equator. Winter is around the corner, and that means cold & flu season, not to mention a whole host of other ailments. And with the holidays coming up fast, nobody wants a head cold or worse. Especially the people sitting next to you.

This is also the time of year doctors remind us about vaccines. This can be a sensitive topic, and normally I’d stay out of it, but let’s be real … vaccines have saved millions of lives, and evidence of side effects just doesn’t support the hysteria, especially among people like me who aren’t qualified to make that determination. I wouldn’t let my doctor tell me how to do my job.

All I’m going to say is make an educated decision, not one based on politics or the latest gossip on social media. Here’s something to think about – when was the last time you saw YOUR doctor on social media? All those “doctors” online may not know a stethoscope from a speculum, but they’re full of advice. Talk to a real doctor or do some research – in a library.

Beyond that, what do you do to keep yourself healthy? Do you try to eat healthier foods at home instead of grease-burgers at the local dive? Do you exercise a little more, like maybe a walk after dinner? Do you at least send your kid out to shovel snow, so you don’t drop dead yourself? That’s the kind of anaerobic exercise that can really mess up your plans for the day.

Beyond the typical “diet and exercise,” do you take vitamins or supplements? We’re all very different, and what’s good for one person isn’t always good for another. That includes broccoli, in case my wife is reading this. The problem is that most doctors aren’t fans of vitamins, and if you want to get solid advice, you need to find one that’s a little more unbiased.

Most people my age trust an older doctor more, but not me. I want somebody who just passed a final exam of the latest in medical knowledge and still remembers it. Somebody who’s new enough to know they can still learn. And who is curious enough to study non-traditional treatments or at least observe how they work on their own patients.

Just a funny little aside – my wife had major abdominal surgery this summer, and has had a really rough recovery. She was talking with her surgeon’s nurse practitioner about her trouble sleeping, and I mentioned that she’s used edible marijuana in the past, but hadn’t used it since the surgery. The NP looked incredulous and asked, “Why not???” I like her.

And I’m not suggesting that as a way to keep you healthy through the winter, but it does has a way of making those dreary days a little less stressful. All I’m saying is find what works for you. And once you find it, put it to use. We had a treadmill in our old house. I used it all the time. To stack boxes and hang clothes. I got more exercise pulling the handle on the recliner.

Make a commitment to your health the same as you would your partner or career. Decide now you’re going to BE healthy this winter and beyond. Make a plan – it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Just a few things you can commit to doing every day to maintain or enhance your health. Yes, we’re all going to die anyway, but wouldn’t it be nice to at least enjoy the ride?

Set aside some time this weekend to assess your current health and formulate a simple plan for making the most of it. Put it in writing and then commit – sign it. You don’t have to show it to anyone else, but put it someplace you’ll see it at least once a day. Okay, if you want a reminder every time you mess up, show it to one of your kids. They’re good at that.

That’s all for now. A lot of us have reached that age where health is much more important than it ever was before. If you’re not that old, you will be, and the decisions you make today will impact your lifestyle once you reach that age. Give yourself a running start. Meanwhile, have an awesome day and an even better weekend!

Plug Your Nose and Dig In!

October 5, 2026October 5, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy Monday! I hope your new week is off to a good start. Today is the day we decide how our week is going to be. No pressure or anything.

Last week, we talked about eating a frog. Not just the legs (a delicacy to some folks), but the entire wart-covered frog. It’s a pretty simple concept – if you have to eat a frog, do it first thing in the morning and your day can only get better. And as you may recall, there was a second part – if you have to eat more than one frog, start with the ugliest one first.

I didn’t dream it up. I’m a little twisted, but I’m not that far gone. That bit of advice has been largely attributed to Mark Twain, who had a way with words that I’ll never achieve. But it’s sage advice. Basically, if you have to do an unpleasant task, one you’ve procrastinated in the past and are likely to avoid as the day goes on, just get it done now. First. Before anything else.

I’m sitting here with a big list of things to do, and I’m not really looking forward to any of it. These are things I kept putting off “until I don’t have to work all day and I have a little extra time.” I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing. Today marks four weeks of retirement for me, and I still don’t have any of that extra time. I’m beginning to think it’s a lie.

These are things I have to do. None are really that hard, but in terms of eating a frog, some are up there at the top of the list. And yes, I actually did make a list. There’s a lot on it, and my weekend goal is to wake up Friday with an empty list. You know, because I actually checked things off. Crossing them off is easier, but then you start next week with the same list.

But unless dumpster-diving or sewer skimming is on your list, I’m willing to bet most of the frogs on your plate aren’t as ugly as they appear. In fact, some may not really be frogs at all. Still, the longer we avoid a task, the more objectionable it becomes. There comes a point where we really would prefer to eat an actual frog.

Some things get worse because we keep avoiding them. When my storage shed needed repairs, I delayed. A couple of years later it needed new doors and siding. Then the roof started to go. By the time I finally got around to it, the entire thing needed to come down and be rebuilt. The longer I waited, the uglier that frog got. And believe me, it was a toad!

In reality, the frog is probably ugly because we keep kicking it to the curb. And the more we kick the frog around, the uglier it becomes. Like staring at a toilet full of stuff it’s not supposed to showcase. Let’s just say time is not your friend and there’s not a lot of discussion about who will fix it or when. My wife uses that bathroom, too.

So, I’ve made a list of things I need to get done this week. Not because of any imposed deadlines, but because I’m tired of staring at frogs. After a while, they begin to multiply and give warts to one another. And I’m pretty sure if I don’t get them out of the way, I’ll start looking like one myself. I don’t need any help in that area.

I told you Friday I’d challenge you today, so here it is. Assemble your own “frog list.” Do it this morning, sorted by “ugliest first.” Only one rule – no two frogs are equally ugly. Unless you can eat two with one bite. The deal is, you have to get the worst stuff out of the way first. And that means beginning with a better understanding of why each particular frog is so ugly.

How many times have you thought about this particular task over the past several days? Yes, I’m being generous. My list has been growing for months. In my case, it’s laziness. There are a dozen things I’d rather do, beginning with today’s crosswords. So, for this week, I plan to eat a frog first each day until everything on my original list is done.

Some days I’ll have to eat a few. And I know frogs multiply. My list will never be completely empty. How about yours? Are you ready to put a dent in it? None of these frogs are really that bad. It’s just our perception. Once you understand what’s really standing in your way, the rest is easy. All you have to do is dig in.

Make your list and then, as you look at each item, try to identify why you’re likely to avoid it. Sometimes, the real reason isn’t that big after all. They say a journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step. Take that step. Eat the frog. Burp if you must, but please brush your teeth. It’s okay to brag about what you’ve accomplished, but let’s not play a game of “guess that smell.”

That’s all for today. This one was a little longer than I wanted, but I think it’s important. With each frog you eat, two things happen – the pile gets smaller, and the taste becomes more palatable. Both will make the next frog that much easier. Try it and see. Then let me know how it’s working for you, and I’ll update you on my list Friday. Meanwhile, have a fun week!

Even Jerks Need a Hug Sometimes

September 22, 2026September 24, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning! I hope your day is starting off nicely. You know, we do have more control over that than we’d like to admit.

My daughter sent a video this morning of a father dropping his kids off at school, telling them, “It takes no effort to be kind, so don’t be a (jerk).” Yeah, that last word wasn’t fit for print. But you get the idea. The next second, he’s driving home, blowing the horn, yelling at other drivers, and just generally being a (jerk).

I don’t think she sent it as a message to me personally, but it still hit me between the eyes. Yes, I am generally kind. I encourage others to be kind. And I try to avoid situations that may bring out the (jerk) in me. Because let’s face it. Under the right circumstances, we all have that little demon inside, just begging to get loose.

My pastor used to read my humor columns back in the day, and he especially liked the ones where I expressed my displeasure with (jerks) on the road. I found my way into his sermons more than once, usually in a joking way, but it’s really not that funny. Trust me, I live it.

Back then, my oldest grandson wasn’t quite four, and was with me one day when the guy in front of me insisted on driving a full 2 MPH below the speed limit. Okay, it was more than that, but it’s my story. I finally said, “Would you please move?” and my grandson piped in with the “perfect” solution … “Flip ‘em off!” I wish I was making that up.

In fairness, he didn’t learn that from me. I always checked to see if he was watching first. But it was still a lesson I needed to learn. Some days, I still do. I’ve decided patience isn’t so much a virtue as a work in progress. It’s a mindset we have to adopt, embrace, and build upon every day. And about the time we start feeling smug, some idiot slams on their brakes for no reason.

I guess the first step in building patience is understanding that most inconsiderate acts are not directed at us, personally. Oh, there’s always that person who tries to mess up your day for fun, but you never know what misfortune life just dealt them. On the other hand, if they do it over and over, aim for the kneecaps. With your foot. What did you think I meant?

Believe it or not, most people don’t spend their day looking in the rearview for somebody to impede. They park their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle because something caught their eye. They walk down the middle of the parking lot because they can’t see their car. And they sit at a green light for two seconds because they’re in deep thought.

Believe me, there are enough (jerks) out there who were never taught the premise of consideration. But it’s not quite fair to blame momentary lapses in manners on intentional (jerkiness). We all make mistakes, and when we do, we’d appreciate an assumption of innocence. The question is, what do we do when the shoe is on the other foot?

The answer is simple – breathe. When traffic backs up, there’s always a reason. And the reason is usually that somebody is having a much worse day than you are. When a person isn’t moving out of your way, they may be experiencing a medical issue. And usually, when somebody is genuinely nasty, it’s typically a programmed reaction to something they experienced.

And therein lies the solution – we can’t control how other people act. All we can control is our reaction to it. We can fire back with an equally offensive remark (or gesture), or we can offer a positive response that may give them pause to think. We can try to score points or realize that the true winner is the one who walks away with a sense of inner calm.

Most of us try to be kind in person. It’s when we’re on the phone with customer service, offering an online rebuttal to comments from others, in the relative safety of our locked car, or relating a scenario to somebody else who wasn’t even there, that we find our true level of kindness. Myself? I need to work on it a bit. And I hope I never stop.

That’s all for now. The next time you find yourself on the receiving end of something you can’t control, take a breath and then control the only thing you can. You’ll live longer, and those years will be a lot more pleasant as a result. Have a fantastic day!

Too Old to Work, Too Young to Die

March 10, 2026March 7, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

Ask anybody what’s the first thing they’d do if they hit the lottery, and there are a few standard responses you can count on. Okay, after they pick themselves up off the floor. Let’s be real, some of these jackpots are pretty huge, and to suddenly realize you’ve just become rich beyond your wildest dreams would bring most of us to our knees.

The next thing they say is something to the effect of, “I’d walk into work tomorrow in my pajamas with an open bottle of bourbon and tell ‘em to put this job where the sun doesn’t shine!” Okay, a little colorful, but you get it. I’ve often said I’ll have to work until noon the day of my funeral, but it would be nice to think I have options, you know?

No, I didn’t hit the lottery. I’m told you have to actually buy a ticket and, while that would make for an awesome retirement, it’s just not my style. Maybe because I’m not getting any younger and, with lottery games twice a week, I’m running out of time.

I believe most of us dream of a day when we can walk into work, look around, and say, “I just don’t feel like doing this anymore.” Hopefully that coincides with the day we no longer need the income, but when you’ve worked your whole life, that’s a hard concept to fathom. It’s even harder to think of the changes I’ll have to make when that day comes.

I’ve never been able to imagine not needing any additional money. But that’s mostly because we had to scrape by for so many years and, now that we’re finally living the life we’ve worked so hard to achieve, I’m not ready to give that up.

And, make no mistake, we don’t live a life of unbridled luxury. We have a small one-bedroom home in a tropical RV resort. We cook most of our own meals, watch reruns of Big Bang Theory, and pay bills every payday. But we live among people our own age who, like us, refuse to sit in the house and grow old. Besides, there are no kids to yell at for stepping on our lawn.

In fact, we don’t even have a lawn. We have a three-foot gravel border around our house and yard work consists of spraying for weeds. The hardest thing I do outside is walking to the pool, and that’s only if the golf cart needs charging. We spend time with friends, have drinks on the deck and bribe our neighbors’ dogs with treats, and dance every chance we get. Life is good.

Sound like a tough life? I know. We worked hard to get here and made some sacrifices along the way. And you know what? I love it! I can’t imagine spending my days any other way, other than not having to get up at 5 AM every morning to sit at my desk for eight hours at a time, working to make somebody else rich. That part still sucks.

At some point this year, I plan to join the ranks of the happily retired. When you get this old, you begin to realize there’s more to life than work. Not to mention the fact that if I keep working much longer, I’ll be too old, too crippled, and too tired to enjoy what I’ve worked for.

And I have no visions of lounging around the pool or spending every morning on the golf course. My retirement will, by necessity, involve extra income, and Social Security declined my request for an increase. They’re funny like that. So, if it’s to be, it’s up to me. Seems I read that somewhere.

That means now is the time. I’ve often said you need to dig the well before you get thirsty. Yes, I read that, too. What it means is, get moving. Build a plan, and put that plan into motion before the bills come due. Thankfully, I’ve had side jobs most of my adult life, including writing, pizza delivery, and stand-up comedy. Work is part of who I am. I just want to do it on my own terms.

Are you in the same boat? Maybe you’re nowhere near retirement, but you have this incredible sense of doom knowing a freight train is headed your way, and you can’t just sidestep it. We’ve all been there. Rita Davenport once said if money can fix a problem, it’s not a problem. Fix it! And there are more ways to do that than you’d ever imagine.

We’ll talk more about this in the coming weeks, but I wanted to plant the seed. We live in very uncertain times, and everything we’ve known about life to this point could change in an instant. But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. No matter what, we will always be the primary factor in our own success.

That’s all for now. I’m planning to write these posts more regularly and shorten them up while I’m at it. Stop laughing! But thanks for the time you spend with me, because it really does mean a lot. Drop me a line when you have time. Meanwhile, have an awesome day!

It’s Your Year – Make it Count!

January 1, 2024January 1, 2024 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy New Year! I hope wherever you are, your day is off to a blessed start.

I know, I don’t usually write posts on holidays. But, being relegated to my own little corner in my own little chair (at the kitchen table) because of Covid, I find myself with all this creative energy and the need to do something constructive with it. I just hope this continues throughout 2024. The creative energy, not the Covid. All I can say is thank God for modern medicine. I’m much better.

I used to tell everyone my only New Year’s resolution was never to make another New Year’s resolution. It seemed to be the only one I could actually keep for 12 months. Over the years, I’ve resolved to get healthy (does surviving a stroke count?), write a book (don’t rush out to the store just yet), build my business (okay, laugh), and lose weight. That last one is the biggest joke of all.

I still want to do all those things, but I’ve learned you can’t just make a wish and expect those things to happen. Believe me, I’ve rubbed the finish off enough lamps over the years to realize there’s no genie waiting inside to magically grant my wishes. The only way for any of this to happen is for me to get up a little earlier each day and make it happen. So far all I’ve done is eat an earlier breakfast.

But you know, it all starts with a mindset. We can’t simply want to succeed; we have to focus on the reasons we want to succeed. Change for the sake of change is doomed to fail. I have a few bosses who could stand to learn that one. But change, based on a clear understanding of what was wrong in the first place, at least stands a chance. I’m not buying bigger pants. How’s that for motivation?

The other thing to keep in mind is that you can’t torment yourself to the achievement of a goal. You have to lighten up. That’s why I try so hard (and not always so successfully) to inject a little humor in what would be an otherwise boring message. It’s impossible to be miserable when you laugh. Okay, abdominal stitches aside. A comedy club is not the place to be right after hernia surgery.

But as a standup comedian, I usually ended my show by reminding my audience of the importance of laughter. I once did a tour with gout in both feet so bad I was nearly crippled. But from the start of my shows until the end, there was no pain – just exhilaration. Sure, the pain came back later, usually with a vengeance. “I’ll teach you to ignore me!” Oh well. It was worth it.

The point is, no matter what your goals for the coming year, face them with a sense of humor. Get rid of that contorted face and stop telling everyone how hard you’re working and what you’re giving up. Nobody wants to hear it, and it’s not doing you any favors, either. Just focus on the reason and enjoy the journey. Who knows? You might even make a few new friends along the way.

I have some dear friends whose health challenges this past year make mine look like a walk in the park. Some of them have no idea what the future may bring, but they’re still out there making the most of each day, because they can. So can you. No matter what 2023 threw your way, you made it this far. So, put a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and get on with life. You ain’t dead yet.

That’s all for now, friends. May 2024 bring you all peace, prosperity, health, and happiness. Have an awesome day!

P.S. Those of you who have been with me over the years know how much I love hearing from you. I don’t write these posts for me – it’s all for you. Your feedback helps keep me inspired and on track. And if you know anybody who could use a little more positivity in their life, please share this link and invite them to come along. Together, we can make this thing rock!

Fix What You Can, Then Run Like Hell

December 22, 2023December 22, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope you’re having a wonderful day.

Last week, we talked about making the most of our limitations to enjoy what’s left of our time on this planet. Hopefully, we’ll all be here for a long time to come, but we should still live each day as if it would be our last. That doesn’t mean live like there will be no consequences. If you do something you’ll pay for the rest of your life, you’ll probably live forever. Just ask Keith Richards.

As we age, things change. You ever wonder why old couples are so nice to one another? It’s simple. We can’t run as fast as we used to. Or duck. Observations I may have shared years ago have transformed into quiet chuckles of how funny that thought may (or may not) have been. Besides, I may want to eat a meal she’s cooked at some point. Spit is the least of my worries.

While those limitations may keep us out of trouble, they also get in the way of those fun things we wanted to do. Like skydiving. It’s something I’d like to try, but my left ankle collapses just getting out of bed. Plus, I’ve not been able to find any instructor willing to test the integrity of a parachute with me strapped to his chest. I’m pretty sure there’s a weight limit.

But I’ve often said that medical issues and physical limitations are valid only to the extent that we do something about them. Beyond that, they’re just an excuse. And you know how we love our excuses. Remember Redd Foxx on Sanford & Son? “It’s on account of my arth-a-ritis!” And if that didn’t work, he’d grab his chest. “It’s the big one! I’m comin’ to join ya, Elizabeth!” I’ve used both.

There are some things we just have to live with, but to the extent we can correct them, we should at least try. My wife has suffered with a self-destructive hip for ten years. It’s a hindrance, but she never wanted it to be an excuse. So, I used it as one of my own. “We can’t go dancing on account of her hip.” It’s saved me a lot of public humiliation over the years. And she doesn’t mind.

Last week, she finally bit the bullet and got a new hip. As the surgeon described the procedure later, I realized not all surgery is delicate and precise. He used instruments that were made for heavy truck maintenance. Think pry bars and air chisels. At one point I thought I heard a jackhammer, but that may have been from the dental clinic next-door.

And he didn’t mess around. He completely destroyed that old hip so there was no way she’d change her mind, and then replaced it with a bionic hip made of cobalt, titanium, and two complete sets of ball bearings, like they use for dancers and athletes. So, there goes that excuse. Guess I’ll have to enroll in dance lessons. And learn to run fast or be nice. She has the upper hand, now.

At the very least, she’ll be a lot better than she was. And the biggest challenge now me not becoming her excuse. “I’d love to go rock climbing, but Dave’s back can’t handle it.” Go ahead, sweetheart. I’ll stand here and catch you if you fall! She may have been gullible enough to marry me, but she’s not stupid. Besides, she still thinks she needs me, and I’m not about to prove her wrong.

If something is holding you back, odds are you can make it better. Nobody wants surgery, a diet, or a new exercise plan. Okay, not sane people. But don’t just settle for excuses. Fix what you can, and deal with the rest. You may not be able to move mountains, but you can walk to the edge and give ‘em a good hard kick. At least then you’ll have a real excuse to fall back on. Fix what’s broken and see what’s left. It may be less than you think. Until then, have an awesome day!

Why Would You Ever Want to Change?

January 2, 2023January 9, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor, Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day (and your new year) is off to a great start.

I read a while back that if 2022 was a drink, it would have been a colonoscopy prep. Decaffeinated. Okay, I think they’ve said the same thing about every year since 1952. It’s normal to start the new year with an eye on change. For our health, for our finances, for our future. But most of all, because there’s something we want that we don’t have now.

It’s that vision of something better that drives us to make the necessary change. But when we put change first, we often miss the mark. Have you ever known anybody who changes jobs every time they do laundry? “Ready, fire, aim!” And we wonder why we keep coming up short.

The vision has to come first. We have to know what we hope to accomplish before we can figure out how to do it. And don’t ask the boss. They only have one answer. “Challenge yourself to excel every day!” All that means is he’s got his eyes on a brand-new boat and he needs your help to buy it.

No matter what, change is part of the formula. If what you’ve been doing all these years hasn’t gotten you where you want to be, another year isn’t likely to get you any closer. But change for the sake of change won’t get you there, either. It has to be part of a plan.

A good friend always said to have something you’ve never had you have to do something you’ve never done. I’ll take that a step further. To have something you’ve never had you may have to quit doing the same stupid stuff over and over and over. And habits are hard to change. We find comfort in the status quo, whether it’s good for us or not.

To grow, we need to step outside our comfort zone. We need to make the necessary changes and open our mind to those opportunities that are right there, just waiting to be discovered. And who cares if somebody else discovered it first? Best Buy didn’t invent computers and TVs. They just found a way to make money selling them.

Focus on your dreams first. Get a clear vision of what you want to achieve in the coming year, and then look for opportunities that can help you get there. Find one, and the changes you need to make will present themselves.

This is my wish for all of you in 2023 and beyond. Change is never easy, but it’s a lot easier when you have an overriding goal in mind. Focus on that goal, and the path will present itself.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!