Reaction – Dave Glardon

Good morning! I hope your day is starting off nicely. You know, we do have more control over that than we’d like to admit.

My daughter sent a video this morning of a father dropping his kids off at school, telling them, “It takes no effort to be kind, so don’t be a (jerk).” Yeah, that last word wasn’t fit for print. But you get the idea. The next second, he’s driving home, blowing the horn, yelling at other drivers, and just generally being a (jerk).

I don’t think she sent it as a message to me personally, but it still hit me between the eyes. Yes, I am generally kind. I encourage others to be kind. And I try to avoid situations that may bring out the (jerk) in me. Because let’s face it. Under the right circumstances, we all have that little demon inside, just begging to get loose.

My pastor used to read my humor columns back in the day, and he especially liked the ones where I expressed my displeasure with (jerks) on the road. I found my way into his sermons more than once, usually in a joking way, but it’s really not that funny. Trust me, I live it.

Back then, my oldest grandson wasn’t quite four, and was with me one day when the guy in front of me insisted on driving a full 2 MPH below the speed limit. Okay, it was more than that, but it’s my story. I finally said, “Would you please move?” and my grandson piped in with the “perfect” solution … “Flip ‘em off!” I wish I was making that up.

In fairness, he didn’t learn that from me. I always checked to see if he was watching first. But it was still a lesson I needed to learn. Some days, I still do. I’ve decided patience isn’t so much a virtue as a work in progress. It’s a mindset we have to adopt, embrace, and build upon every day. And about the time we start feeling smug, some idiot slams on their brakes for no reason.

I guess the first step in building patience is understanding that most inconsiderate acts are not directed at us, personally. Oh, there’s always that person who tries to mess up your day for fun, but you never know what misfortune life just dealt them. On the other hand, if they do it over and over, aim for the kneecaps. With your foot. What did you think I meant?

Believe it or not, most people don’t spend their day looking in the rearview for somebody to impede. They park their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle because something caught their eye. They walk down the middle of the parking lot because they can’t see their car. And they sit at a green light for two seconds because they’re in deep thought.

Believe me, there are enough (jerks) out there who were never taught the premise of consideration. But it’s not quite fair to blame momentary lapses in manners on intentional (jerkiness). We all make mistakes, and when we do, we’d appreciate an assumption of innocence. The question is, what do we do when the shoe is on the other foot?

The answer is simple – breathe. When traffic backs up, there’s always a reason. And the reason is usually that somebody is having a much worse day than you are. When a person isn’t moving out of your way, they may be experiencing a medical issue. And usually, when somebody is genuinely nasty, it’s typically a programmed reaction to something they experienced.

And therein lies the solution – we can’t control how other people act. All we can control is our reaction to it. We can fire back with an equally offensive remark (or gesture), or we can offer a positive response that may give them pause to think. We can try to score points or realize that the true winner is the one who walks away with a sense of inner calm.

Most of us try to be kind in person. It’s when we’re on the phone with customer service, offering an online rebuttal to comments from others, in the relative safety of our locked car, or relating a scenario to somebody else who wasn’t even there, that we find our true level of kindness. Myself? I need to work on it a bit. And I hope I never stop.

That’s all for now. The next time you find yourself on the receiving end of something you can’t control, take a breath and then control the only thing you can. You’ll live longer, and those years will be a lot more pleasant as a result. Have a fantastic day!

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a great start.

There’s an old saying that comes to mind this morning – you can’t ignore the elephant in the room. As a comedian, that meant if a waitress drops a tray of drinks in the middle of your show, you had to say something funny about it. “Just set those down anywhere!” That was a time-worn favorite. Not that the servers enjoyed it too much. On the other hand, if they hadn’t dropped the tray in the first place …

Something I learned early on is that if you single out the wait staff for anything, they had ways to elicit payback. Like throwing beer bottles in a trash can right next to your audio recorder or talking loudly with the patrons at Table 2 in the middle of your funniest joke. One of the first rules we learned is to treat the club staff with respect. Still, when that elephant appears, you can’t just pretend it’s not there.

The elephant, in this case, appeared yesterday afternoon for the whole world to behold, and we can’t just look the other way and whistle softly as we walk past. The spectacle in our nation’s capital was one of the worst displays of human behavior most of us have ever witnessed. And I’m not entirely sure it was a one-day thing. I guess time will tell.

But, in any discussion of positivity and trying to elevate our lives to a higher level, we can’t just ignore events like this as if they don’t exist. This is a very real part of the world in which we live. An ugly part, to be sure, but I’ve often said we sometimes need the really bad days to help us appreciate the good ones. Without a frame of reference, good becomes mediocre. Just another day in Paradise.

We can lay the finger of blame for yesterday’s events in several different areas, and we’d probably be right on each of them, at least to some extent. But people don’t behave this way just because they’re bored and looking for action on Saturday night (or Wednesday afternoon). They don’t do it because one person suggests it. And they don’t do it because they feel wronged. They do it out of complete despair.

Now, we could talk for hours about the root cause of that despair, and I’m sure we all have our opinions. And I do believe there was an element of opportunity that factored in, a chance for some very angry people to lash out in the safety of a large mob. But it’s hard to completely separate anger from despair. They feed one another and, left unchecked, the result is predictable – almost inevitable.

To be sure, some people seem to choose a life of anger and despair. When things are going well, they actively seek controversy and discord. I’m no psychologist, but I believe it stems from a basic lack of inner peace. They can point their finger at any number of reasons for their anger, but the fact is it originates from within. If we want happiness, we have to be willing to find it and embrace it.

There are very few things we can truly control in life. We can’t control the weather. We can’t control the economy. We can’t control how other people behave, and we have only limited control over our own health. What we can control – what we must control – is our reaction to these events. Because it’s our reaction to the world around us that defines our level of serenity.

That doesn’t mean we’re happy about everything. I’m appalled at what we saw in our nation’s capitol yesterday, and I have my own feelings about the people who fed that anger. But I can’t change any of what transpired. The only thing I can change is my reaction to it. I can choose to sulk in a corner, lash out online, take to the streets in anger, or try to turn a national embarrassment into something constructive.

We all have the same power. We can’t dig through a pile of negativity and expect to find hope. The thoughts that control our outlook are a direct reflection of the thoughts we consume. Eat enough carrots and your skin will turn orange. It’s inevitable. The same is true of our brain – garbage in, garbage out. That’s why it’s so vitally important that we put more emphasis on controlling what goes in.

History will judge yesterday’s events and the political motivations behind it, but I wonder if our grandchildren will read anything about the underlying emotions that drive such behavior. It’s easy to analyze and assign blame. But it all starts from within. Until we control our thoughts, we’ll never be able to control our actions.

Find something uplifting to focus on today. You may not be able to wipe out the negativity, but you can certainly dilute it. And on the worst of days, that’s enough.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

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Tag: Reaction

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