Motivational – Dave Glardon

You Can’t Get Up if You Never Fall

February 13, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! Hope your day is going well.

If you’re in the USA and you’re not living under a rock, you’ve probably heard something about a football game yesterday. A big one. And, as usual, the jury of public opinion is still out on who really won.

Football has always been a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, I get the game and how it’s played. Twenty-two guys with the combined weight of a tugboat face off, separated by an imaginary line, waiting for the fat guy in the middle to toss the ball behind him. Never mind where the quarterback’s hands are all this time. You don’t want to try that one at work.

When the ball finally leaves the ground, these grunting beasts spring into action and try to knock somebody down. Anybody. Preferably the guy with the ball. You get extra credit for that. And then, the guy who sprinted six yards with the ball tucked under his arm goes to the sideline for oxygen. And they call these guys athletes???

The best part is, they only have to “work” for about ten seconds and then they get a break. And if that’s not enough, they can call time-out or pretend to be hurt. That doesn’t work for me. “Boss, I hurt my knee on that one!” “How? You were taking notes!”

But for these guys, the Super Bowl is the culmination of everything they’ve worked for. Every dream, every workout, every smack in the head, all aimed toward one goal – making it into the big game. At that point, the score doesn’t even matter. They’ve already won.

Football is a game of stamina, determination, and the willingness to keep getting back up, even when it hurts. Concussions are common, but in this sport, brain damage appears to be a pre-existing condition. Still, it’s a dream they’ve lived for most of their life, so who am I to poke fun? Besides, they’re a lot bigger than I am. I only look stupid.

But if you ever doubt the power of dreams, the Super Bowl is a perfect example of what we can accomplish. Every one of those guys on the field was once a young boy, barely able to walk. They didn’t start as athletes, and most were probably advised to “go to school and get a real job.” But the dream was too big to be held down.

How about you? Is your dream important enough to do something about it? Is it important enough to get knocked down and stand back up? Football isn’t a game of intellect. It’s about grit and determination and the will to succeed. Get some of that, and there’s not much that can stand in your way.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Destiny – the Shortest Path to Where You Don’t Want to Be

January 23, 2023January 23, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your Monday is starting off well.

Reusable toilet paper. Can I get an amen? Yeah, I just wanted to grab your attention. That was the topic of a story on the news this morning, right after a segment about the resurgence of paper maps. We’re saving trees on one end, and killing them on the other. What gives?

Everything old comes around again. I’m still waiting for powder-blue leisure suits to come back in style. Yes, I had one. And no, I couldn’t get one leg in those pants, much less my whole butt. Guess that’s God’s way of keeping me from making an even bigger fool of myself.

I still keep paper maps in the RV. Okay, I also use a GPS. It’s not like I need the directions, unless I’m trying to stay on I-75 through Atlanta. Every five seconds – “Be in either of the right two lanes. Stay on the road. THIS road. DO NOT EXIT! Now cross over all eight lanes and exit left to stay on … you know …”

So yes, maps can come in handy. But reusable toilet paper? Folks, I use some pretty good laundry detergent, and that stuff isn’t going in my washing machine. That’s what laundromats are for. Of course, my wife is quick to point out that my underwear gets washed. Don’t think too hard on that.

Okay, I wanted to start the week on a light note, and it looks like the news beat me to it. But you know, we take life too seriously sometimes. That’s one of the reasons I started writing humor 25 years ago. Okay, it was because I’m not an expert in anything else. Sometimes, you play the hand you’re dealt.

It’s what some folks call destiny … the notion that we’re born into a certain life, and we’re pre-ordained to fulfill that destiny. Well, let me just get this out. Destiny sucks! Destiny is just one more imaginary thing on which to blame our lot in life. It means life is plowing forward, and we’re just along for the ride.

Life is what we make of it, and destiny is about as firm as a pile of mashed potatoes. You can shape it any way you want. You just have to accept the fact that you’re in control, and then let your dreams paint a picture of the life you desire.

That’s my hope for each of you as we begin a new week. We’re all on a path to somewhere. We may not have paved the road, but we can certainly choose the destination. And once that destination is firmly in your mind, the rest is pretty easy. Just be sure to bring along plenty of TP.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

How’s That Brick Wall Treating You?

January 20, 2023January 20, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a great start!

I went to work yesterday. You know, to the office. I haven’t been there in over three years. I had to program my GPS to even find the place. Most days, going to work means heading down the basement stairs. I spend my days ten feet from a refrigerator with 6 bottles of water and 42 bottles of beer. What could possibly go wrong?

In 2008, I asked my boss if I could work from home. He said, “Dave, the problem is, I’d be paying you for 8 hours, but I wouldn’t really know if you worked that long.” I told him he didn’t know that now. All he knew was my truck was in the parking lot and I was at my computer. Here’s a tip. Don’t say that out loud. The next day he installed a camera over my desk.

But along came 2020 and Covid left us with no choice. And with very few exceptions, we put the fears to rest and came out on top. Companies continued to grow. Profits were made and bonuses were earned. And we discovered we can still get the job done even if our pants are in the laundry. I’ve seen those videos. What’s wrong with you people?

The point is, we took a situation that could have been catastrophic and made the most of it. Giving up was just not an option. And, as a result, many of us continue to enjoy a work-life balance we would never have envisioned three short years ago.

So, where’s that sense of adventure when there’s something we want, something that’s not quite within reach? We’ll keep beating our head against the same wall for years instead of trying something new for even a day. And at the end of yet another year, we resign ourselves to the “fact” that what we want is just not possible.

Well, I’m glad my boss didn’t give up so easily. And I’m sure a lot of his trusted advisers gave him a dozen reasons why it would never work. But he put his faith in us, and we came through. Put that same amount of faith in yourself, and there’s not much you can’t accomplish. All it takes is a willingness to try something different, even if other people say it’s stupid.

Every challenge presents opportunity. And all opportunity asks is that we recognize it for what it is – a chance to make things better. Take the chance. Prove other people wrong. You may still miss your goal, but it certainly won’t be for lack of trying.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day and an even better weekend!

Yes, You Really ARE Worthy!

January 16, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning. Or afternoon, depending on your time zone. Hope your day is starting off well.

I didn’t sleep this late, though I did sleep later than normal. That’s what happens when you sit up watching a movie until the wee hours. I used to do that all the time. But I’ve reached that point of equilibrium where cause and effect become one. In other words, if you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta to be tough.

There were years in my life when I could party all night and get up in the morning. But somewhere along the line, my body introduced me to the concept of consequences. When I woke up with a headache, I could usually admit I had it coming. And then came the days I woke up with a hangover for no good reason. What’s up with that?

We all tend to think we get what we deserve. Okay, just the good stuff. I get it. But when I climb the single flight of stairs from my office to the kitchen (don’t be nosey), I can honestly say I deserve all that huffing and puffing. The pounding in my chest? Yeah, I’m still looking for somebody to pin that on.

It’s good when we can admit our mistakes and accept the consequences. But what happens when life throws something really good our way? “You’re so lucky!” Yeah, that must be it. The gods were searching for somebody completely unworthy on whom to bestow a stroke of good fortune, and you just happened to stumble in the way. What a lucky dog!

And I think that’s what stops a lot of us from pursuing our goals. Why should good luck fall on me? What have I done to deserve it? What’s so special about me?

Well, that depends. If all you did was buy a winning lottery ticket, that’s luck. But most of us tend to put a little more methodical effort into our achievements. We get up a little earlier, go to bed a little later, and work just a little harder. When others are on the porch enjoying a cold beer, we’re putting in that little bit of extra effort. So, why not you?

The first step in achieving a dream is realizing you deserve it. If there’s any nice thing in this world, material or not, you deserve it just as much as the next person. We are not pre-ordained at birth to a life of mediocrity. We’re destined to live the life we’ve built.

Every one of us is worthy of the best life has to offer. All you have to do is go out and get it.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Life is Too Short for Simple Dreams

January 13, 2023January 12, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! It’s Friday again! Hope your day is off to a great start.

Those of you who know me best know I can conjure up some pretty wild fantasies when I want to. Not the kind that would embarrass my wife. I do a good enough job of that just trying to be serious. I’m talking about the kind that leave people scratching their head and thinking, “Is he delusional?”

Yes, I’m a dreamer. Dad reminded me of that every time I set my sights on anything people who work for a living could never afford. Okay, some of those dreams were “out there.” A waterfront mansion with my own yacht and a helicopter to fly me to my private jet may have been a bit optimistic. Especially at the age of 17. Why do you think I wanted to be a rock star?

Over the years, my dreams have changed. Not necessarily because of my bank account. That’s a dynamic situation that changes almost daily. And, while some days are better than others, the years have treated me well. But dreams change as we grow. That’s just a natural part of life. But there are still things I want.

What would your dreams be if you knew you couldn’t fail? That’s an interesting thought. It implies two things. First, that we can actually control what we dream about (we can), and second, that our dreams are usually limited by our current income (they are).

We’ve all heard that whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. I love that quote, but in deference to Napoleon Hill, I have to respectfully disagree. There are things that, no matter how hard we try, we will NEVER be able to accomplish. Ever wished you could sprout wings and fly? Well, keep dreaming.

But that aside, there isn’t much we can’t accomplish if we put our mind to it and follow through with deliberate action. Want a bigger house? You can do it. Want a fancy car, or a European vacation? It’s yours. Want to retire at the age of 30 and spend the rest of your days on the beach? Well, if your 30^th birthday is next week, you may need a couple more months.

The life you’re living today is largely the life you dreamed of. If it’s not, now would be a good time to revisit those dreams. Go to an open house. Visit a boat show. Pick up a travel magazine. Don’t worry about how you’ll do it. There’s plenty of time for that next week. But if you’re going to dream, then dream big! The effort is the same either way.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome weekend!

Got Twenty Seconds???

January 9, 2023January 9, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Monday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

While you folks were (hopefully) relaxing, I spent 16 hours on the road Saturday, leaving the warmth of central Florida for the bitter cold of Ohio. I guess I really am as stupid as I look.

Let’s just get this out now – I don’t like winter. In fact, I pretty much despise it. Oh yeah, I remember years ago growing up in south Florida, longing for the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air … Yes, I’ve watched that movie a few times too many.

When I joined the Navy, my dad told me something I’ll never forget. “The best two duty stations in the world are the one you just left and the one you’re going to.” Or, in simpler terms, the grass is always greener over the septic tank. Thank you Erma Bombeck for that tidbit of perspective.

Our comfort zone is a double-edged sword. It gets us through the day with a minimum of stress, and it also keeps us from accomplishing much of anything. For every worthwhile achievement, you had to do something that stretched your level of comfort. And, even if the goal ended up being a little less than what you’d envisioned, you still grew as a result.

As most of you know, I was a stand-up comedian for the better part of 16 years. Believe me when I say that first time onstage was WAY outside my comfort zone. It took nine years and almost 1000 shows to get past the jitters. But it was something I wanted badly enough to work through it. And I’m glad I did.

If there’s something you want that isn’t immediately within reach, you’ll have to step outside your comfort zone. Matt Damon’s character said it best in the movie We Bought a Zoo … “all it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage.”

Twenty seconds to embrace a vision. Twenty seconds to consider an opportunity. Twenty seconds to post your resume online. Twenty seconds to get down on one knee and pop the question. Twenty seconds to sign your name to the contract. Twenty seconds to trap a spider. Twenty seconds.

Sure, there’s more to come after that. But that initial twenty seconds of courage is all it takes to get past the fear and start turning the life you want into the life you’re working toward. The more you face those fears, the less courage it takes. There comes a day when it’s second nature. And that’s when dreams begin turning into reality.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

What Else You Got Planned?

January 6, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is starting off well.

The first week of 2023 is just about behind us, and I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Getting back to work is always a challenge, especially if you had time off over the holidays. I gave serious thought to early retirement. My wife said no. She won.

But I just turned 65, and that day is out there. Like most people, my body, mind, and bank account are not in complete agreement on when it should happen. After 50 years in the work force, I’m thinking my body may win. It certainly won’t be my brain.

I know my retirement will involve some kind of ongoing income. Social Security will buy gas, and my 401k will cover one health emergency. If the “emergency” is a flu shot. Beyond that, I need a little extra. Anyone know how much Walmart greeters make?

And I’m not alone in this. Most of us will need that extra boost to keep from moving in with the kids. Sure, I know people who think they’ve got it under control. In other words, they’re delusional. And I’ve met others who think retirement planning means putting their own numbers on the lottery ticket.

None of us knows when retirement will begin or end. We can plan, and we may even hit our target date. But life can change in an instant, and all those plans go right out the window. Accidents happen. Companies fail. And that Nigerian prince may have no intention of coughing up the cash. Just sayin’.

Those of you who have been with me for a while have heard these words – dig the well before you get thirsty. The time to come up with an alternate plan is not while you’re laid up in the hospital or just got your severance notice. That’s the time to fall back on Plan B, not invent it.

The reality is most of us will make it to retirement without any catastrophic life-altering event. So what? Have you ever heard anybody complain that they have too much money? If so, send them my way. I can make that problem go away in an instant. So can fate.

Our future is what we make of it. Expand your options today, and you can enjoy the ride tomorrow. Opportunity is out there, just waiting for you to make the next move. You can pick the one you want today, or let fate choose it for you. I know my preference. What’s yours?

That’s all for now. Enjoy your day and have an awesome weekend!

Why Would You Ever Want to Change?

January 2, 2023January 9, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor, Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day (and your new year) is off to a great start.

I read a while back that if 2022 was a drink, it would have been a colonoscopy prep. Decaffeinated. Okay, I think they’ve said the same thing about every year since 1952. It’s normal to start the new year with an eye on change. For our health, for our finances, for our future. But most of all, because there’s something we want that we don’t have now.

It’s that vision of something better that drives us to make the necessary change. But when we put change first, we often miss the mark. Have you ever known anybody who changes jobs every time they do laundry? “Ready, fire, aim!” And we wonder why we keep coming up short.

The vision has to come first. We have to know what we hope to accomplish before we can figure out how to do it. And don’t ask the boss. They only have one answer. “Challenge yourself to excel every day!” All that means is he’s got his eyes on a brand-new boat and he needs your help to buy it.

No matter what, change is part of the formula. If what you’ve been doing all these years hasn’t gotten you where you want to be, another year isn’t likely to get you any closer. But change for the sake of change won’t get you there, either. It has to be part of a plan.

A good friend always said to have something you’ve never had you have to do something you’ve never done. I’ll take that a step further. To have something you’ve never had you may have to quit doing the same stupid stuff over and over and over. And habits are hard to change. We find comfort in the status quo, whether it’s good for us or not.

To grow, we need to step outside our comfort zone. We need to make the necessary changes and open our mind to those opportunities that are right there, just waiting to be discovered. And who cares if somebody else discovered it first? Best Buy didn’t invent computers and TVs. They just found a way to make money selling them.

Focus on your dreams first. Get a clear vision of what you want to achieve in the coming year, and then look for opportunities that can help you get there. Find one, and the changes you need to make will present themselves.

This is my wish for all of you in 2023 and beyond. Change is never easy, but it’s a lot easier when you have an overriding goal in mind. Focus on that goal, and the path will present itself.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

What Are You Working For?

June 14, 2022 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

Forty-five years ago today, I called my mom just to say hi. Anybody who knew me then can tell you I was a bit scatterbrained. That may or may not have been chemically enhanced. Five minutes into the conversation she said, “You’d better tell me happy birthday!” “Um, yeah … that’s why I called!” Doofus!

It’s been 28 years since I was last able to wish my mom a happy birthday, but she’s the one who first encouraged me to write, and I know she’s always the first person to read whatever flows from my keyboard. So, Mom … happy birthday! I sure hope I’ve made you proud.

In yesterday’s post, we talked about this glorious, booming economy. If you believe that, stop here and go read yesterday’s post, because it’s obvious you missed it the first time. I’m sure I didn’t make anybody’s day with that post, but this isn’t one of those times where plugging our nose will make the Brussels sprouts taste any better. No, Mom, that still doesn’t work.

We may not be able to change the direction of the economy, but that doesn’t mean we have to just go along for the ride. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. It worked for Janis Joplin. I’m sorry. God blessed her with a lot of things, but a singing voice wasn’t on the list.

Some people just know how to make the best of any situation. No matter what life throws their way, they always seem to come out on top. Not just that, they somehow find a way to raise the bar and climb even higher.

One of my earliest business mentors told me that if you were to take all the money in the world and divide it up evenly, in five years it would be right back where it started. As a young sailor with a bank account the size of a politician’s brain, that was depressing as hell. But there’s a certain truth in those words. So, the trick is to become one of them.

And becoming one of “them” is actually easier than it sounds. It all starts with the decision that we will not be defined by something we can’t control. The Wright brothers didn’t whine about gravity – they learned to overcome it. And they did that by applying the laws of physics that say if you put a big enough engine on a washing machine, you can make it fly.

But the airplane was just a by-product of something bigger. It was the end result. They built an airplane for one reason only – they wanted to fly. And nothing else, including jumping off the barn with an umbrella, showed much promise. Mom learned that the hard way. It’s funny now.

The Wright brothers would have built a Sherman tank if they thought it would fly. It was never about the airplane – it was about the freedom of soaring with the birds. Thankfully they never dreamed of pooping on freshly washed cars because that would have been simple once they learned to fly.

The point is, before they ever put a pencil to paper, they had the one thing it takes to succeed – the “why.” They knew why they were putting in all those late hours. They knew why they were spending all their hard-earned money on something that may or may not work. They knew why all those other people were laughing behind their back, and they knew why they didn’t care.

Your “why” needs to be something that excites you. If all you need is money, go make some. Jobs are easy to find. But it’s hard to get motivated if all you’re trying to do is avoid bankruptcy. “Take a look at this! I paid the electric bill. On time! Life is sweet!!!!” Don’t laugh. It happens every day.

Yes, paying the bills is important. And when that becomes a challenge, it also becomes a top priority. Even bigger than a new boat. But the boat needs to be there somewhere. Maslow’s pyramid, remember? All the good stuff is at the top. Unless you’ve got your sights set on something bigger, it’s that much harder to make the climb.

We all have a “why.” There’s something out there we want, material or not, that can drive us to do great things if we just give it a chance. I can’t tell you what that is – you have to decide for yourself. But once you do, Lord help the economy that tries to get in your way.

That’s all for now. I can’t promise a post every day, but I’ll do the best I can. Thanks for sharing this time with me. Have awesome day!

The Future is Closer Than You Think

June 13, 2022 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a great start.

If you’ve been missing my morning posts, join the club. I’ve missed writing them. A lot. Sometimes life injects its own set of priorities and, like anything else, once you miss one or two days, it’s that much easier to miss the next one, and the next one, and the 365 after that.

I think, with all of us, there comes a point where you wonder if what you’re doing is really making a difference. And that’s important. If we do anything, we should do it with a sense of purpose. My purpose is really simple – I want to spread a little hope and inspiration in a world that seems hell-bent on doing the exact opposite. So, buckle up.

We talk a lot about dreams – things we’d like to accomplish, the lifestyle we’d like to enjoy. But it’s hard to focus on dreams when we’re struggling to survive. Ever heard of “Maslow’s Pyramid?” It’s a pretty simple concept. All the good stuff is at the top. And no matter how high you climb, one good kick in the shins will knock you right back to the bottom.

So, how is this economy working for you? It’s hitting us all pretty hard. And in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s getting worse. We can complain and point the finger of blame all we want, but there’s nothing any of us can do to change it. That leaves us with two choices – make more or spend less. And buy some shin guards.

When things get tight, our first instinct is to cut spending. And that’s probably the fastest way to get started. But there’s only so much you can accomplish by tightening the purse strings. If you don’t believe me, go to the grocery store. On your way there, swing by the gas station and fill your tank. Cursing is optional.

No matter how hard we try, the things we need to survive and get through life are becoming more expensive, and much faster than we are. Inflation in the US is currently 8.6 percent. That’s the highest in 40 years. How much was your last pay raise? I rest my case. The company calls it a “cost-of-living increase,” but somebody forgot how to add.

Granted, for most of us, there are certain things we could cut back to reduce spending. My wife and I travel around the country in a 38-foot motorhome, so I guess there are a few things we could do. I could also give up bourbon, but that’s not happening, either. And the bathroom scale says I could buy less food, but we all know the scale adds at least ten pounds.

So, let’s agree that cutting spending is a short-term strategy with limited scope. It may help pay next month’s electric bill, but that’s going up, too. And, I’m betting your mortgage and car payments haven’t come down, either. Cut expenses all you want, as long as they get their money each month.

So, why is a “motivational humorist” spreading such cheer? Well, the future is what we make of it. Unless you’ve got a suggestion on how to restore a vibrant economy, let’s focus on increasing our own income. That is within our control, and of the two options, it’s the one that offers the best long-term potential. But it can take time. The time to get started is now.

If a hurricane were coming your way, you’d take some precautions. You’d cover the windows, bring in the lawn furniture, and stock up on bourbon. You’re prepared. And what’s the worst thing that happens if the storm fizzles out? You’ve got a cozy house with extra seating and plenty of bourbon. Win-win.

This is one of those times when we have to prepare for the hurricane, a term quoted from the CEO of J.P. Morgan Chase, the largest bank in the nation in describing our economic future. Or, as you’ve heard me say in the past, it’s time to dig the well before you get thirsty.

There’s little doubt we’re headed for some tough economic times. We can keep doing what we’ve been doing and hope for the best. Or we can start digging that well now, before things get worse. If the economists are right, you’ll be glad you did. And if they’re wrong, whatever will you do with that extra money???

That’s all for now. Get started on that well. I’ll share some more ideas on that in the coming days. Meanwhile, it’s good to be back with you. Have an awesome day!