Life – Dave Glardon

When Plans Meet Reality, Keep Stirring

April 2, 2025April 1, 2025 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

In business, each month begins a new set of books. The old month is over and what’s done is done. All we have now are projections for the new month. In most cases, it’s a shot in the dark, like a kid telling you their grades will improve, and their room will be spotless by Friday.

I was once tasked to write a business plan for a corporate expansion – one that, if projections came true, would create more than 1,000 new jobs and result in the local government giving our company a large regional airport for free. I’ll save you some time. The company did expand into the new line of business. And the airport still belongs to the county.

The numbers just didn’t work. If we had hired all those people and put our plan into motion, we would have run out of new customers in a matter of months. And that’s if every potential customer in the nation bought our new product during that time. This wasn’t like Beanie Babies™. It was a mobile data terminal for heavy trucks. Exciting, huh?

My plan showed a profit of more than $20 million in the first six months. Wow! After that, our profit would drop to zero and all those people would be unemployed. So, the boss had an idea. “What if we increase our per-unit cost, and double the time it takes to build each unit?” Well, now we’d lose $13 million in the first six months and would never recoup that loss. Back to the drawing board.

We played with those numbers for a month, and I finally told the boss I sure hope somebody a lot smarter than me would be reviewing the plan. He assured me this is how ALL business plans are written. I find that a bit disturbing. Thank God we weren’t building airplanes. Thank God we weren’t building airplanes.

It’s easy to start new endeavors with an overabundance of excitement. “Wow, I’ll be rich by next Friday! I should buy that new car now before the prices go up!” Thankfully, the practical side of our brain kicks in and brings us back to earth, maybe a little too much. Then we start to doubt the entire premise. “This can’t be that easy. Maybe the whole idea is stupid.” Sound familiar?

The truth is, nothing is ever as easy as it sounds, and nothing ever goes completely according to plan. Just ask NASA. But that shouldn’t stop us from trying. We just need to set realistic expectations and anticipate setbacks. If the idea is sound, it’ll still work. You may just need to tweak it a bit.

Fifty-six years ago, man first walked on the moon. It was a lofty goal. And we’ve all seen video of those early attempts at manned space flight. They weren’t pretty. Your dreams are no less important. You may not reach your goal as quickly as you’d hoped, but if you follow the plan and revise expectations based on experience, success is still out there waiting.

That’s all for now. Keep those dreams alive and never let anything stand in your way, especially your own imagination. Have an awesome day!

Want a Little Cheese With That Whine?

January 15, 2024 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

Depending on where you are in this country, the weather outside is somewhere between freezing and words you’d rather I don’t use here. Believe me, the neighbors have heard them, probably the last time I worked on my truck. Let’s just say I don’t have a lot of patience for things that don’t go according to plan. Or split knuckles. Vehicle maintenance involves both.

We all get frustrated. And when we do, it’s easy to say things we wouldn’t say in church. Oh, we may utter God’s name, but more as a hyphenated adjective. And loud. Nothing eases frustration like announcing our displeasure to the entire neighborhood all at once. Just one more reason I no longer work on my own cars. The neighbors took up a petition. I lost.

Okay, there’s another reason. I’ve found that life is a lot more pleasant when I’m floating in a swimming pool, playing with my grandkids, or simply gazing across the desert at the beauty of nature. Besides, my cardiologist suggested I find more ways to avoid stress. He didn’t exactly prescribe the bourbon, but I’ve been running my own tests. So far, the data is leaning my way.

We’ve all met people who go through life as if every waking moment is another reason to complain. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. Gas is too expensive. The boss is too cheap. And everybody and everything in this world exists for the sole purpose of ticking them off. Do yourself a favor. If you’re around these people when the news comes on, find the nearest exit and run!

I’ve always been into motivational reading and positive thinking. I can’t say it’s always shone through in my daily life, but I try. And I used to think I could spread some of that positivity to those who seem to have been cheated at birth. But the fact is, angry people aren’t born that way – they’re miserable by choice. It’s like a menu item that nobody wants, so they swallow everybody’s share.

In our discussions about living our best life, it should be obvious that this mindset doesn’t fit. You can’t enjoy life if you’re unhappy with everybody and everything life has to offer. To live that way is more crippling than a crushed spine. There is no joy, because that would only remind them of what they’ve been missing their entire life. There’s only misery. And it’s always somebody else’s fault.

Bitterness is a poison. We all know how it affects us emotionally, but the physical effects are even more damaging. It causes headaches, high blood pressure, and all manner of illness. In fact, the National Institutes of Health noted that 75-90 percent of illness is caused by anger and stress. And the effects on the heart are even more devastating. Seems like a lot of misery for … well, you know.

None of us are immune to disappointment. That’s just a part of life. It’s what we do with that disappointment that counts. We can keep it in perspective and focus on things that offer a higher level of serenity. Or we can nurture it and allow it to grow into the cancer of resentment. Choose happiness. Our days on this planet are numbered, anyway. We might as well enjoy the ride.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day and an even better week!

It’s Your Year – Make it Count!

January 1, 2024January 1, 2024 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy New Year! I hope wherever you are, your day is off to a blessed start.

I know, I don’t usually write posts on holidays. But, being relegated to my own little corner in my own little chair (at the kitchen table) because of Covid, I find myself with all this creative energy and the need to do something constructive with it. I just hope this continues throughout 2024. The creative energy, not the Covid. All I can say is thank God for modern medicine. I’m much better.

I used to tell everyone my only New Year’s resolution was never to make another New Year’s resolution. It seemed to be the only one I could actually keep for 12 months. Over the years, I’ve resolved to get healthy (does surviving a stroke count?), write a book (don’t rush out to the store just yet), build my business (okay, laugh), and lose weight. That last one is the biggest joke of all.

I still want to do all those things, but I’ve learned you can’t just make a wish and expect those things to happen. Believe me, I’ve rubbed the finish off enough lamps over the years to realize there’s no genie waiting inside to magically grant my wishes. The only way for any of this to happen is for me to get up a little earlier each day and make it happen. So far all I’ve done is eat an earlier breakfast.

But you know, it all starts with a mindset. We can’t simply want to succeed; we have to focus on the reasons we want to succeed. Change for the sake of change is doomed to fail. I have a few bosses who could stand to learn that one. But change, based on a clear understanding of what was wrong in the first place, at least stands a chance. I’m not buying bigger pants. How’s that for motivation?

The other thing to keep in mind is that you can’t torment yourself to the achievement of a goal. You have to lighten up. That’s why I try so hard (and not always so successfully) to inject a little humor in what would be an otherwise boring message. It’s impossible to be miserable when you laugh. Okay, abdominal stitches aside. A comedy club is not the place to be right after hernia surgery.

But as a standup comedian, I usually ended my show by reminding my audience of the importance of laughter. I once did a tour with gout in both feet so bad I was nearly crippled. But from the start of my shows until the end, there was no pain – just exhilaration. Sure, the pain came back later, usually with a vengeance. “I’ll teach you to ignore me!” Oh well. It was worth it.

The point is, no matter what your goals for the coming year, face them with a sense of humor. Get rid of that contorted face and stop telling everyone how hard you’re working and what you’re giving up. Nobody wants to hear it, and it’s not doing you any favors, either. Just focus on the reason and enjoy the journey. Who knows? You might even make a few new friends along the way.

I have some dear friends whose health challenges this past year make mine look like a walk in the park. Some of them have no idea what the future may bring, but they’re still out there making the most of each day, because they can. So can you. No matter what 2023 threw your way, you made it this far. So, put a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and get on with life. You ain’t dead yet.

That’s all for now, friends. May 2024 bring you all peace, prosperity, health, and happiness. Have an awesome day!

P.S. Those of you who have been with me over the years know how much I love hearing from you. I don’t write these posts for me – it’s all for you. Your feedback helps keep me inspired and on track. And if you know anybody who could use a little more positivity in their life, please share this link and invite them to come along. Together, we can make this thing rock!

You Ain’t Dead Yet!

December 11, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Monday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

To say 2023 has been a challenge is an understatement. Of course, we say that every year as if it’s something new and insightful. But it’s true. No matter how hard we try to make things better, life has a way of throwing a wrench in the spokes. And the faster you’re going, the harder the fall. It’s physics. Blame Sir Isaac Newton. He’s dead, anyway.

It’s been six months since my stroke, and two things are obvious. First, I’m not as young as I used to be. Second, I’m still kicking. I need to remind myself of that every day. Sure, my body has seen finer days. Along with my youth, I’ve said farewell to my upper-body strength, my ability to follow a conversation, and that unruffled demeanor I embodied my whole life. Okay, and my memory, too.

I never really felt my age until this year. Sure, I’ve seen the changes in the mirror. Funny, I don’t notice all that gray hair until I go to the barber. I used to wish they had clippers that just cut out the gray and leave the rest, but if they did, I’d come away looking like Vin Diesel. That would be okay if I had his physique to go with it. Let’s face it, my biceps are turning gray, too.

Another thing about getting old – every time doctors test for one thing, they find something else. I’m still not sure how a brain scan showed testosterone deficiency, but they managed to find a way. Okay, the doc calls it an enlarged aorta. In other words, my heart is ticking in more ways than one. And I’m not allowed to lift more than 30 pounds, ever. Not that I could before, but still.

Yet through it all, though, one fact remains – I’m still breathing. I still have the ability to get out of bed every morning, however slowly. I still work, though I don’t always remember what I did yesterday. And I just drove 1800 miles in two days, mostly because I kept getting lost. You’re welcome, Exxon.

So, I’m not as nimble as I used to be. Who cares? I’m still alive, and with each new day comes a new opportunity to try something different. Sure, the results will be mixed. But that adds a level of excitement. Like stepping into the bull ring and finding out how fast you can run. I already know the answer to that. I couldn’t outrun a gerbil with a five-second head start.

We only have a certain amount of time left on this planet. How we spend that time is a choice we make. I may not be able to climb a mountain, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stand at the bottom and appreciate its beauty. Or just turn a bull loose and maybe I can climb better than I think. You never know.

As long as we’re breathing, we’re not done. And everything is possible until we prove otherwise. Challenge yourself. Instead of accepting a self-imposed set of limitations, stretch those limits. Change your mindset and you can change your life. It’s easy. Just get up each morning (however slowly), stand in front of a mirror, and repeat after me … “You ain’t dead yet!”

That’s all for now, folks. Thumb your nose at whatever is standing in your way, then tell me all about it. Let’s face this beast together. Meanwhile, have an awesome day!

It Ain’t Over Till the Fat Lady Sings

September 15, 2023September 15, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good afternoon friends! I know, I know … morning was gone several hours ago. But sometimes we do these things when we can, right? I sure hope you’re having a nice day.

Things change as we get older. I guess that comes as no real surprise to anyone. Prices go up, energy goes down, and music will just never be the same again. Can I get an amen? Sure, that’s just the short list. There are also plenty of aches & pains, but thankfully there are also plenty of doctor visits to discuss them. My diagnosis is pretty much the same. I’m old.

And it doesn’t help when the doctor’s advice is to slow down. Oh sure, they want me to be active. Walking, swimming, riding my bicycle, and things like that. Funny they never mention skydiving or happy hour. But, during all this activity, I have to keep my blood pressure under control, and my days of lifting heavy weights are over. Or, so says the doctor.

Now, it’s not like I ever lifted really heavy weights anyway. Even when I went to the gym on a regular basis, I kept it within reason. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. But to tell me I can’t pick up a bag of salt or bench press a running lawnmower is hard to handle. It’s like telling me to be less of a man. Worse yet, I have to watch younger people do these things for me.

I could cry about it, or I can do what I was going to do anyway – fight back. I may never be the nimble young stud I once was (stop laughing!) and my grandkids may have to climb into my lap on their own. Thankfully, they’re still willing to do that. Another thing about getting older – grandkids tend to outgrow their grandparents. That’s the hardest one to handle.

Equally difficult is looking back at all those missed opportunities and latent dreams. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled with my life, and there’s not much I’d change if I could. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to roll over and just take whatever life throws my way. Besides, I’m the one who abused this body all those years. I’ve earned it.

But with every new day comes new opportunities. It may be the same old opportunities or something completely new. As a comedian, I always reminded people that we don’t stop laughing when we grow old – we grow old when we stop laughing. The same is true of opportunity, and life. But the sad fact is, too many people stop living long before they die.

As long as we have air in our lungs and food in our belly, we have the ability to enjoy a more complete and vibrant life. Yes, that vibrance may fade over the years, but it never completely goes away. It’s our ability to make the most of life, and those opportunities, that determines whether we spend our days living or wasting away. You already know my choice.

Give this some thought over the weekend. Just because you missed an opportunity once doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. And the fact that you can’t run as fast as you used to, or jump as high, doesn’t mean you’re bedridden. Life is what we make of it. Make yours count!

That’s all for now. Make the most of the day and have an awesome weekend!

Are You Prioritizing Your Dreams?

April 1, 2021 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

It’s April 1, a national holiday for practical jokers and wannabe comedians. It’s a day when great deals really are too good to be true, and everything on the Internet is met with a little extra skepticism. And it’s the one day a politician’s word is as good as anybody else’s. I’m not sure that’s as good as it sounds.

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, April is a symbol of hope. Winter is gone (mostly), flowers bloom, and small animals abound. Oh, they were there before. But now we can see what they’re up to, instead of wondering how much insulation and wiring they’ve destroyed in hibernation. It’s a good thing squirrels are so cute. Besides, one is barely enough for a sandwich.

April is also the time when we start to think about getting started on those projects we dreamed up over the winter. I didn’t say we actually start them – just that we think about it. But Mom always said it’s the thought that counts. Come to think of it, my wife says that a lot, too. I’m beginning to think that’s just a tactful way of saying, “Nice try.”

Planning projects is easy. You dream it up, figure out what it would take to make it happen, and then start listing all the things that are standing in the way. “It’s too cold right now. As soon as it warms up, I’ll get started. As long as it doesn’t get too hot. But I’ll have to set aside time to do the taxes. And then there’s graduation and summer vacation, and then … well, I’ll get to it.”

We all have good intentions. And I’m told they come in real handy for paving the road to perdition. Several years ago, I tore down our backyard storage shed to make room for a new one. But in the process, I stepped on a rusty nail and my foot got infected and then it got too hot to work outside and then winter came and then … well, you get the picture.

It was a year before my grandson and I actually built the new shed, and that’s a personal best for me. Notice I didn’t say we finished the new shed – we built it. I still need to put on the front and rear trim pieces and install soffits to keep the birds out. But it’s reasonably weatherproof, and that was my goal five years ago. Get the lawnmower in out of the rain.

And we haven’t even talked about the missing baseboards from new flooring that I installed twelve years ago, the cracked vanity top in the bathroom, the new faucet we bought for the kitchen, or all the clutter in the basement and garage. I told my wife it’s the thought that counts. She said the same thing about dinner. I guess two can play that game.

Home projects are one thing. Sooner or later, they have a way of prioritizing themselves and eventually you don’t have a choice. But what about all those other things you wanted to do? That business you wanted to start, the trip you planned to take, or the book you’ve been meaning to write? Well, maybe this winter when there’s nothing better to do.

The longer we put things off, the easier it is to do. After a while, it just becomes routine. Dream it up, put it off … dream it up, put it off. The boss has this stuff figured out. They dream it up and set a deadline. Otherwise, nothing would ever get done. Except coffee. They said “take initiative.” Isn’t that when we do something without being told? That’s a good thing, right?

It’s not that we’re lazy. Far from it. The problem is that life doesn’t stop just because we have other plans. It doesn’t even move out of the way. It’s like that old lady in the grocery store who parks her cart in the middle of the aisle as she searches the entire selection of canned soup looking for that one flavor the store doesn’t sell. And I didn’t even want soup.

Meanwhile, we wait for that perfect opportunity to get on with our own plans. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the perfect opportunity doesn’t exist. Sometimes you have to just push the cart out of the way and move on. Or do like the boss does – dream it up and set a deadline. Put it in writing and give it to somebody else so they can nag you till it’s done.

We can’t control life’s interruptions any more than we can control the weather. But unless our dreams take priority, they’ll never get done. Spring has begun. And another one is just a year away. The question is, will you begin the next one living your dream, or thinking about it?

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Love Shared Will Always Be Life’s Greatest Blessing

January 26, 2021January 26, 2021 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

It’s been a little over a week since my last post. Hopefully none of you noted my absence with a resounding, “Thank God!” Yes, I get a bit wordy sometimes, in much the same way that a Chihuahua gets a little testy at times. It’s a way of life. And here you are, still listening to me. I guess something must be working right.

Mom used to tell me that, when I was young, I barely spoke at all. I guess I was saving it up for later. Dad had to go on a job-related trip when I was about five or six and, while he was gone, I discovered my voice. When Dad called home, Mom said, “He’s started talking and he won’t stop!” Dad thought maybe she’d been into Granny’s secret elixir. I think Mom tried some of it on me as well.

But you know, talking has mostly served me well over the years. As a writer, I never had to worry about getting paid by the word. No employer was ever that gullible. As a comedian, there was always somebody in the back of the room with a flashlight telling me when it was time to shut up. I think some people in the audience tried that a few times.

And my wife has told me several times that, when we went on our first date, she was mostly attracted to my willingness to talk. That’s a nice way of saying it wasn’t my rippling biceps. But she’d been with her share of guys who talked with their hands, and I guess in that sense, it had to be a refreshing change of pace.

As I got out of bed this morning, she told me happy anniversary. It was 41 years ago today that we stood together and said, “I do.” It’s been a ride like we could never have imagined, but there’s no other person on this planet I’d rather have taken that ride with. We complete each other, rough edges and all. Sometimes like sandpaper, but the right progression of sandpaper can really make things shine.

To say we’ve been through a lot together is an understatement. With two daughters, four grandchildren, career successes and failures, and our share of profound loss, I’ve always known she was there at my side. And I never felt that more than I did two nights ago, as I said goodbye to my dad. It was one of the worst nights of my life, and somehow, I still feel blessed.

If you remember my last post, I had just taken Dad to the hospital. Things were looking up a bit, though I knew deep down that was a temporary reprieve. Recovery wasn’t in God’s master plan, and he slipped peacefully beyond this life just before midnight Sunday. I was at his side, along with my daughter and grandson, and his whole family had been with him in his final days and hours.

I had lots of good conversations with Dad in those final days. Last Friday, he told me about some of his days in the Navy, and for whatever reason, he recalled a co-worker who had just gotten married and brought his new wife to our house, probably 50 years ago. I had no idea that would be my last conversation with Dad. A few minutes later, he went to sleep and never really woke up again.

But I also know he was aware of what was happening, and of everyone who was gathered around him. Even in his last hours, when I’d put the phone to his ear, he was visibly attentive. The sense of hearing is the last to go, so much that it’s been suggested a person can still hear the voices around them for a couple of minutes after they pass. I believe that.

One of life’s greatest blessings is the opportunity to send a loved one to their final reward with expressions of gratitude and love. As I said in a post last night, most people don’t get that chance. And as hard as it is to let go, those final moments will remain in my memory as some of the most precious of my life.

I think it’s fitting that, on the same floor as the Hospice unit was the hospital’s birthing center. As one person leaves, another life begins. I thought of that every time I walked past. I’ve prayed a lot for all those little ones and their parents, wishing them all a relationship like I had with my mom and dad. There is no greater gift than love, a lesson Mom and Dad taught by example.

And when it was all over, I came home to the one person I knew would be there to comfort me like nobody else can. After all these years, a hug and kiss from my wife can somehow make all the bad things disappear, even if only for a moment. I just hope I’ve been able to do the same for her.

As I said in my last post, we never know what life has in store or when we’ll spend our final moments with somebody we love. Make the most of those moments. Heal any wounds and atone for any wrongs. Life is short, my friends. Don’t waste any opportunity to make it beautiful.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

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The Best Time to Plan for the Future is Before It Happens

January 6, 2021 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning and happy Hump Day! I hope your day is off to a great start.

So, I woke up yesterday with the best of intentions to write something really intriguing and stunningly insightful. Okay, I wake up with that intention every day. But if you’ve been with me any time at all, you know that’s kinda like a baseball player stepping up to the plate. They always expect a hit, and some believe every swing will be a home run. But more often than not, they whiff.

In my defense, I had to get ready for an early morning job interview yesterday. It’s the same job I’m doing now, for the same people I work with today. Only difference is who will sign my paychecks. I assume pay will be involved. We haven’t discussed that part yet.

If you remember my post from Monday, my contract with this company had expired and I was working on faith that the contract would be extended. Well, that came through late in the day, so I’m good for another few months while they decide if they like me enough to keep me around on a more permanent basis. Notice I said, “more permanent.” In the corporate world, that means “at least for this week.”

In my business, I talk to people a lot about income stability. Once upon a time, you found a job, went to work every day, and after 40 years of loyal service, you were sent home with a gold watch and a monthly check. If you were lucky, you climbed the ladder along the way, but not always. My grandpa worked on the same assembly line almost 50 years.

But anybody born after 1925 knows those days are long gone. Jobs come and go, and companies change their market focus on a dime. Part of that is the natural evolution of business. Last time I checked, there are very few companies still making slide rules, and they’re not actively hiring designers to enhance their product. On the other hand, if you have one of those dinosaurs at home, it’s probably worth a lot.

Another uncomfortable fact is that we’re all replaceable, at least in the corporate world, and company loyalty is usually a one-way street. It’s not that employers don’t value us or our work. But we have to accept the fact that we are little more than tools to get a specific job done, and every day newer and better tools pop up. Unless you’re a hammer. Some things are as good as they’ll ever get.

Throw in the fact that every day brings challenges we never anticipated, and what we know today is never certain. Two years ago, I had brain surgery that could have ended my work career for good. Several years before that my wife was driving to work when another car crossed the centerline. She was back to work in two months, but it could have been much worse.

I’m not trying to be a downer here, but we all have to acknowledge the fact that the life we live today can change in an instant. Having a backup plan has never been more critical than it is today. And no, I’m not talking about the lottery. If your idea of investing in the future involves a weekly Powerball ticket, we need to talk.

Yet, how many of us go through life with that lottery mentality that says no matter how bad things are today, something will magically happen, and we’ll live happily ever after? Sure, I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy, and I tend to focus more on the positive. But if we’re just sitting around waiting for good things to happen, we may be waiting a long time.

If something happened today and you were suddenly no longer able to work or find employment in your career field, what would you do? Could you retire today if you had to? Could you live on whatever you and the government have set aside for your golden years? Or would you have to invoke a Plan B and try something different?

And if the answer to that question is that you’d have to scramble and try something new, let me ask an even more important question – what are you waiting for? I’m not suggesting you change careers on the off-chance you’ll find yourself unemployed, but there are literally dozens of things you can build on the side that could either supplement or replace your current income should the need arise.

We buy insurance in the hope we’ll never need it, and thank our lucky stars if that time ever comes. Life happens. Things change. And the best-laid plans go awry. The impact of those events will depend largely on what you’re doing to reduce that impact. Today. When it counts. Hopefully, you’ll never need the extra income. And if not, I bet you could find some fun ways to spend it.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

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Don’t Grow Old Before Your Time – And It’s Never Time

March 20, 2020March 22, 2020 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a great start.

Some days we wake up full of energy, ready to take on the day and crush anything that stands in our way. Priorities have been set, a plan is in place, and we won’t stop until everything has been finished to perfection. When sleep finally comes, it’ll be out of sheer exhaustion from all the magnificent things we’ve accomplished. Today is not that day.

After being awakened by a pretty intense thunderstorm sometime when all good people are supposed to be asleep, I was a little slow rolling out of bed this morning. It’s not a lack of enthusiasm. It’s a lack of uninterrupted sleep. We all have days like this. Thankfully for me, they only come on days ending in “y.”

I’m told waking up during the night comes with age. I hope that’s not the case, because aging is something that never stops, and I’m nowhere even close to being old. Never mind the fact that, as of tomorrow, my oldest grandson will turn 20. That doesn’t mean I’m getting old. He is.

I still remember the day he was born. Watching him grow has been more than just a privilege. It’s a gift. And, like a lot of gifts, there were days when I wanted to take it back to the store. But overall, he’s been my buddy from the start. And he’s still not too proud to give his grandpa a hug, even if other people are watching.

Still, I’ll never forget the day I took him to little league football practice. We pulled up right in front of the team and, as he went to get out of my truck I said, “Hey, what about my kiss?” He gave me that wide-eyed stare that instantly conveyed what his 9-year-old brain was thinking. “Are you freaking insane???” I guess he didn’t care to be the tackling dummy for the day.

I’ve always said aging is inevitable, but growing old is a matter of choice. I’ve met people much older who are more vibrant and energetic than I was on my best day. And I’ve met others half my age who stopped living long ago. Benjamin Franklin once said that most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75. Can I get an amen?

And you know, I was part of that crowd until about 20 years ago. I don’t know if it was becoming a grandfather that breathed new life into the hollow shell I’d become. It may have been getting out of a job that sucked the life out of me, writing my humor column, getting into stand-up comedy, or any combination of things. I’m sure my wife had something to do with it.

But I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed the past 20 years a lot more than the years leading up to it. As a consequence, I’ve enjoyed better health and emotional vitality than I did before. Sure, I’m starting to show some signs of wear and there are things that need a doctor’s care. But all things considered, I’ve never been healthier than I am today.

That’s not the result of modern medicine or a healthy & active lifestyle. Please, weightlifting for me involves standing up, and the closest I come to a workout is bending over to tie my shoes. The reason for my good health is simple – I made a choice to go on living instead of letting life slip away. Besides, my wife said till death do us part, and I’m letting her off that easy.

Am I tired? Sure. Do I ache? All over. I can’t run, I can’t jump, and getting up from the floor is a major event that requires advance planning, supporting staff, and the will of God. But put me in the front seat of a rollercoaster (one I can fit in) and I’m like a little kid – arms in the air, eyes wide open, and screaming “Rock and roll!” all the way down.

There are days when we feel a little older than normal. The trick is to make “normal” a boundary we set, not one that’s imposed upon us. There are things we can’t control as we age, but there are many more things we can control. And the greatest factor in our power is the degree to which we let age define us.

If you’ve lost some of that inner youth, it’s never too late to find it. Find something you enjoy, something that makes you feel young again, and make it a part of your life. We can’t beat the effects of time, but we can beat the effects of age. Age is just a number, but growing old is a state of mind. Make sure yours is what you want it to be.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

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Life Is A Gift – Slow Down And Enjoy It

March 9, 2020 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a great start.

For most of us in the US, our circadian rhythms are all out of whack again. It’s amazing the difference one hour can make. Looking outside at 7:30 and it’s still dark just doesn’t feel right. There ought to be a law. I say we go back to bed and sleep that extra hour until the sun catches up. Funny, morning traffic seems to catch up quite nicely. It doesn’t miss a beat.

I haven’t been out for the morning drive in a while, and I have to admit that was pretty nice. I’ll be back out there in a couple of weeks, though, with one foot on the gas, the other on the brake, right hand on the wheel and left hand hanging out the window. You know … signaling a left-hand turn. You believe me, right?

I always used to wonder about all those people darting in and out of traffic, putting everybody else’s life at risk just to beat them to the exit ramp so they can slam on their brakes and stop right next to us at the light. Hopefully they’re that energetic when they actually get to work. I doubt it. They’re the ones who leave an empty coffee pot and swipe the last donut.

I remember driving home from work one day, and everybody else was going a lot faster than I was. Oh, I was doing the speed limit, but I was staying in my lane and just driving. You know, like an old man. Finally, it occurred to me. It’s not because they’re younger and more agile. It’s because they’re not going home to teenage kids. And apparently, they can afford the ticket.

No matter where we’re going, we always seem to be in a hurry to get there. So much so that, yesterday morning, we set our clocks an hour ahead. If we did that every week, I’d be 102. And, while I hope I can live that long, I’m not in that much of a hurry to get there. Life is going by fast enough, thank you. I’m ready to slow down and start enjoying it a little more.

Granted, there are times when we need to get somewhere fast. Like when you get out of work last and dinner is waiting. I’m kidding. Dinner is never ready. Well, unless you’re running late and it’s something that tastes better hot. And yes, we have a microwave. But some things don’t play nicely in the microwave. Ever try biting into a chunk of silicone?

Still, there are times when we’re legitimately in a hurry. But more often than not, we put ourselves in that situation by choices we made. Like leaving for work at the last possible minute and then expecting everybody else to get out of your way. I know, I sound like my dad. He always used to tell me if the car backfired one time, I’d be late. He was right.

Traffic is a fact of life. Tires go flat, batteries go dead, and every now and then Mother Nature decides to throw a wrench in the spokes. Any one of them can mess up your day. But if we’d just anticipate those things and leave a little earlier, we could start our day with a lot less stress and get to work in one piece. Early. Oh, the horror! Now I really DO sound like an old man.

Well, here’s the thing. The first person there gets the freshest cup of coffee. The pot’s never empty, you get your choice of the best stuff in the vending machine, and you can pretty much park wherever you want. So, what if you can’t clock in early? Take a newspaper, check your email, read my morning post – whatever. Breathe. Start your day on your own terms.

Somebody once said Heaven must be a great place because we’re all dying to get there. And you know what? You’ll get there soon enough. Even the idiot on the road who’s making your life miserable. But as the title of a 1978 movie suggests, Heaven can wait. It’ll still be there. So will work, and dinner, and the school play, and all the other things we’re rushing to enjoy.

An old Mac Davis song warned, “You’re gonna find your way to Heaven is a rough and rocky road if you don’t stop and smell the roses along the way.” Breathe. Slow down. Take time to appreciate what’s in front of you right now, even if it’s a line of stopped cars. Every minute we rush through life puts us a minute closer to the end. Enjoy it before those minutes are gone.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

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