Motivational Humor – Dave Glardon

Too Old to Work, Too Young to Die

March 10, 2026March 7, 2026 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

Ask anybody what’s the first thing they’d do if they hit the lottery, and there are a few standard responses you can count on. Okay, after they pick themselves up off the floor. Let’s be real, some of these jackpots are pretty huge, and to suddenly realize you’ve just become rich beyond your wildest dreams would bring most of us to our knees.

The next thing they say is something to the effect of, “I’d walk into work tomorrow in my pajamas with an open bottle of bourbon and tell ‘em to put this job where the sun doesn’t shine!” Okay, a little colorful, but you get it. I’ve often said I’ll have to work until noon the day of my funeral, but it would be nice to think I have options, you know?

No, I didn’t hit the lottery. I’m told you have to actually buy a ticket and, while that would make for an awesome retirement, it’s just not my style. Maybe because I’m not getting any younger and, with lottery games twice a week, I’m running out of time.

I believe most of us dream of a day when we can walk into work, look around, and say, “I just don’t feel like doing this anymore.” Hopefully that coincides with the day we no longer need the income, but when you’ve worked your whole life, that’s a hard concept to fathom. It’s even harder to think of the changes I’ll have to make when that day comes.

I’ve never been able to imagine not needing any additional money. But that’s mostly because we had to scrape by for so many years and, now that we’re finally living the life we’ve worked so hard to achieve, I’m not ready to give that up.

And, make no mistake, we don’t live a life of unbridled luxury. We have a small one-bedroom home in a tropical RV resort. We cook most of our own meals, watch reruns of Big Bang Theory, and pay bills every payday. But we live among people our own age who, like us, refuse to sit in the house and grow old. Besides, there are no kids to yell at for stepping on our lawn.

In fact, we don’t even have a lawn. We have a three-foot gravel border around our house and yard work consists of spraying for weeds. The hardest thing I do outside is walking to the pool, and that’s only if the golf cart needs charging. We spend time with friends, have drinks on the deck and bribe our neighbors’ dogs with treats, and dance every chance we get. Life is good.

Sound like a tough life? I know. We worked hard to get here and made some sacrifices along the way. And you know what? I love it! I can’t imagine spending my days any other way, other than not having to get up at 5 AM every morning to sit at my desk for eight hours at a time, working to make somebody else rich. That part still sucks.

At some point this year, I plan to join the ranks of the happily retired. When you get this old, you begin to realize there’s more to life than work. Not to mention the fact that if I keep working much longer, I’ll be too old, too crippled, and too tired to enjoy what I’ve worked for.

And I have no visions of lounging around the pool or spending every morning on the golf course. My retirement will, by necessity, involve extra income, and Social Security declined my request for an increase. They’re funny like that. So, if it’s to be, it’s up to me. Seems I read that somewhere.

That means now is the time. I’ve often said you need to dig the well before you get thirsty. Yes, I read that, too. What it means is, get moving. Build a plan, and put that plan into motion before the bills come due. Thankfully, I’ve had side jobs most of my adult life, including writing, pizza delivery, and stand-up comedy. Work is part of who I am. I just want to do it on my own terms.

Are you in the same boat? Maybe you’re nowhere near retirement, but you have this incredible sense of doom knowing a freight train is headed your way, and you can’t just sidestep it. We’ve all been there. Rita Davenport once said if money can fix a problem, it’s not a problem. Fix it! And there are more ways to do that than you’d ever imagine.

We’ll talk more about this in the coming weeks, but I wanted to plant the seed. We live in very uncertain times, and everything we’ve known about life to this point could change in an instant. But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. No matter what, we will always be the primary factor in our own success.

That’s all for now. I’m planning to write these posts more regularly and shorten them up while I’m at it. Stop laughing! But thanks for the time you spend with me, because it really does mean a lot. Drop me a line when you have time. Meanwhile, have an awesome day!

It’s Your Year – Make it Count!

January 1, 2024January 1, 2024 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy New Year! I hope wherever you are, your day is off to a blessed start.

I know, I don’t usually write posts on holidays. But, being relegated to my own little corner in my own little chair (at the kitchen table) because of Covid, I find myself with all this creative energy and the need to do something constructive with it. I just hope this continues throughout 2024. The creative energy, not the Covid. All I can say is thank God for modern medicine. I’m much better.

I used to tell everyone my only New Year’s resolution was never to make another New Year’s resolution. It seemed to be the only one I could actually keep for 12 months. Over the years, I’ve resolved to get healthy (does surviving a stroke count?), write a book (don’t rush out to the store just yet), build my business (okay, laugh), and lose weight. That last one is the biggest joke of all.

I still want to do all those things, but I’ve learned you can’t just make a wish and expect those things to happen. Believe me, I’ve rubbed the finish off enough lamps over the years to realize there’s no genie waiting inside to magically grant my wishes. The only way for any of this to happen is for me to get up a little earlier each day and make it happen. So far all I’ve done is eat an earlier breakfast.

But you know, it all starts with a mindset. We can’t simply want to succeed; we have to focus on the reasons we want to succeed. Change for the sake of change is doomed to fail. I have a few bosses who could stand to learn that one. But change, based on a clear understanding of what was wrong in the first place, at least stands a chance. I’m not buying bigger pants. How’s that for motivation?

The other thing to keep in mind is that you can’t torment yourself to the achievement of a goal. You have to lighten up. That’s why I try so hard (and not always so successfully) to inject a little humor in what would be an otherwise boring message. It’s impossible to be miserable when you laugh. Okay, abdominal stitches aside. A comedy club is not the place to be right after hernia surgery.

But as a standup comedian, I usually ended my show by reminding my audience of the importance of laughter. I once did a tour with gout in both feet so bad I was nearly crippled. But from the start of my shows until the end, there was no pain – just exhilaration. Sure, the pain came back later, usually with a vengeance. “I’ll teach you to ignore me!” Oh well. It was worth it.

The point is, no matter what your goals for the coming year, face them with a sense of humor. Get rid of that contorted face and stop telling everyone how hard you’re working and what you’re giving up. Nobody wants to hear it, and it’s not doing you any favors, either. Just focus on the reason and enjoy the journey. Who knows? You might even make a few new friends along the way.

I have some dear friends whose health challenges this past year make mine look like a walk in the park. Some of them have no idea what the future may bring, but they’re still out there making the most of each day, because they can. So can you. No matter what 2023 threw your way, you made it this far. So, put a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and get on with life. You ain’t dead yet.

That’s all for now, friends. May 2024 bring you all peace, prosperity, health, and happiness. Have an awesome day!

P.S. Those of you who have been with me over the years know how much I love hearing from you. I don’t write these posts for me – it’s all for you. Your feedback helps keep me inspired and on track. And if you know anybody who could use a little more positivity in their life, please share this link and invite them to come along. Together, we can make this thing rock!

Fix What You Can, Then Run Like Hell

December 22, 2023December 22, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope you’re having a wonderful day.

Last week, we talked about making the most of our limitations to enjoy what’s left of our time on this planet. Hopefully, we’ll all be here for a long time to come, but we should still live each day as if it would be our last. That doesn’t mean live like there will be no consequences. If you do something you’ll pay for the rest of your life, you’ll probably live forever. Just ask Keith Richards.

As we age, things change. You ever wonder why old couples are so nice to one another? It’s simple. We can’t run as fast as we used to. Or duck. Observations I may have shared years ago have transformed into quiet chuckles of how funny that thought may (or may not) have been. Besides, I may want to eat a meal she’s cooked at some point. Spit is the least of my worries.

While those limitations may keep us out of trouble, they also get in the way of those fun things we wanted to do. Like skydiving. It’s something I’d like to try, but my left ankle collapses just getting out of bed. Plus, I’ve not been able to find any instructor willing to test the integrity of a parachute with me strapped to his chest. I’m pretty sure there’s a weight limit.

But I’ve often said that medical issues and physical limitations are valid only to the extent that we do something about them. Beyond that, they’re just an excuse. And you know how we love our excuses. Remember Redd Foxx on Sanford & Son? “It’s on account of my arth-a-ritis!” And if that didn’t work, he’d grab his chest. “It’s the big one! I’m comin’ to join ya, Elizabeth!” I’ve used both.

There are some things we just have to live with, but to the extent we can correct them, we should at least try. My wife has suffered with a self-destructive hip for ten years. It’s a hindrance, but she never wanted it to be an excuse. So, I used it as one of my own. “We can’t go dancing on account of her hip.” It’s saved me a lot of public humiliation over the years. And she doesn’t mind.

Last week, she finally bit the bullet and got a new hip. As the surgeon described the procedure later, I realized not all surgery is delicate and precise. He used instruments that were made for heavy truck maintenance. Think pry bars and air chisels. At one point I thought I heard a jackhammer, but that may have been from the dental clinic next-door.

And he didn’t mess around. He completely destroyed that old hip so there was no way she’d change her mind, and then replaced it with a bionic hip made of cobalt, titanium, and two complete sets of ball bearings, like they use for dancers and athletes. So, there goes that excuse. Guess I’ll have to enroll in dance lessons. And learn to run fast or be nice. She has the upper hand, now.

At the very least, she’ll be a lot better than she was. And the biggest challenge now me not becoming her excuse. “I’d love to go rock climbing, but Dave’s back can’t handle it.” Go ahead, sweetheart. I’ll stand here and catch you if you fall! She may have been gullible enough to marry me, but she’s not stupid. Besides, she still thinks she needs me, and I’m not about to prove her wrong.

If something is holding you back, odds are you can make it better. Nobody wants surgery, a diet, or a new exercise plan. Okay, not sane people. But don’t just settle for excuses. Fix what you can, and deal with the rest. You may not be able to move mountains, but you can walk to the edge and give ‘em a good hard kick. At least then you’ll have a real excuse to fall back on. Fix what’s broken and see what’s left. It may be less than you think. Until then, have an awesome day!

Why Would You Ever Want to Change?

January 2, 2023January 9, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Motivational Humor, Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day (and your new year) is off to a great start.

I read a while back that if 2022 was a drink, it would have been a colonoscopy prep. Decaffeinated. Okay, I think they’ve said the same thing about every year since 1952. It’s normal to start the new year with an eye on change. For our health, for our finances, for our future. But most of all, because there’s something we want that we don’t have now.

It’s that vision of something better that drives us to make the necessary change. But when we put change first, we often miss the mark. Have you ever known anybody who changes jobs every time they do laundry? “Ready, fire, aim!” And we wonder why we keep coming up short.

The vision has to come first. We have to know what we hope to accomplish before we can figure out how to do it. And don’t ask the boss. They only have one answer. “Challenge yourself to excel every day!” All that means is he’s got his eyes on a brand-new boat and he needs your help to buy it.

No matter what, change is part of the formula. If what you’ve been doing all these years hasn’t gotten you where you want to be, another year isn’t likely to get you any closer. But change for the sake of change won’t get you there, either. It has to be part of a plan.

A good friend always said to have something you’ve never had you have to do something you’ve never done. I’ll take that a step further. To have something you’ve never had you may have to quit doing the same stupid stuff over and over and over. And habits are hard to change. We find comfort in the status quo, whether it’s good for us or not.

To grow, we need to step outside our comfort zone. We need to make the necessary changes and open our mind to those opportunities that are right there, just waiting to be discovered. And who cares if somebody else discovered it first? Best Buy didn’t invent computers and TVs. They just found a way to make money selling them.

Focus on your dreams first. Get a clear vision of what you want to achieve in the coming year, and then look for opportunities that can help you get there. Find one, and the changes you need to make will present themselves.

This is my wish for all of you in 2023 and beyond. Change is never easy, but it’s a lot easier when you have an overriding goal in mind. Focus on that goal, and the path will present itself.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!