Dave Glardon

Who’s Knocking On Your Door?

February 20, 2023February 20, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

People have always told me you’re judged by the company you keep. Sound familiar? And it’s true. Until my final years in high school, I spent my time around other people who were getting good grades and staying out of trouble. In other words, I got beat up a lot.

Through the years, I’ve adopted a mindset of acceptance and, as a consequence, I often find myself conversing and working with people I wouldn’t necessarily invite to dinner. Every one of us is imperfect in our own unique way, and I’m pretty sure there’s a reason others aren’t tripping over one another to invite me into their home. It works both ways.

Still, throughout my life, people have said it’s important to spend your time with people who embody the life you want to live. If you want success, hang around people who are successful. If you want respect, hang around people who are respected. The idea is that at least a little of what they bring to the table will rub off on you. And it makes sense.

So, all you have to do is go to a members-only yacht club and start hanging around with rich people, right? Yeah. It’s not quite that simple. Because the whole time we’re attempting to rub elbows with them, they’re looking at us and saying, “Hope none of that rubs off on me!”

I heard a speaker last week who suggested that, just maybe, we need to try being the kind of person we hope to attract. That’s a twist! So, instead of being turned away from their door, we want them to knock on ours. We want to present ourselves in a way that makes them say, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

That’s not as easy to do when you live on the wrong side of the tracks, you actually get dirty at work, and your car gets 42 miles per quart of oil. Let’s just say it’s not a turn-on for the rich and famous. But there are still things we can do to make ourselves more appealing to those we want to attract. We did it when we were dating. The same rules still apply.

I tell my grandson all the time that it takes very little effort to comb your hair, put on clean clothes, smile at people, and talk like you didn’t just get out of prison … even when you’re in Walmart.
Psychologists say we form an opinion of others in the first five seconds. Well, guess what? They do, too. And those first impressions can make a world of difference in who chooses to spend their time with us. Food for thought.

That’s all for now. Put on a smile and have an awesome day!

Are You Outsourcing Your Future?

February 17, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

So, by show of hands, how many of you pay close attention to your investments? Like, really close. I do. Okay, I don’t even know what my investments are, because I give somebody else a bunch of money every two weeks and they play with it for me. Uncle Sam calls it a 401(k). The rest of us call it our only hope for retirement. Which explains all the old folks working in Walmart.

I’ve tried learning the economic signs that point to ups and downs, and I’m completely lost. Gas prices, unemployment, inflation, gross national product, who’s running first in the electoral polls … I can’t keep up. And none of it seems to matter, because just about the time you think you’ve got it figured out, Wall Street comes along and laughs in your face.

It reminds me of the movie “Trading Places,” where the Duke brothers are trying to explain their business as commodities brokers to Billy Ray. “Tell him the best part! Whether our investors win or lose, Duke & Duke gets their share!” Where can I get a job like that?

In “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” Robert Kiyosaki makes no secret of his disdain for the stock market. Sure, you can make money. And you can lose it, too. Most of us don’t have the financial insight to study the Wall Street Journal and figure out the market, so we hire people who have no life to do it for us. We bet our entire future on their ability to win. Smart, huh?

I’m not against the concept of a 401(k), mostly because it’s an easy way for me to put my paltry sum of money in a pool with a bunch of other people and pray we don’t all go broke. And, over the years, it’s been pretty good to me. But if I had to retire on what I’ve got saved today, I’d have to die next January. And I’m betting I’m not alone in that. Which explains all the old folks playing the lottery.

So, here’s my question. If we’re willing to invest our own money in somebody else’s success for just a cut of the profits, why not invest in ourselves? Take a class. Read a book. Start a business. Oh, and here’s the fun part – once you’ve started, follow through! Find something that works for you, and then keep doing it.

Success won’t come overnight. It never does. But if you believe in what you’re doing enough to get started, then believe in yourself enough to finish. Take control and make it happen. You can do this!

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day, and I’ll see you next week!

You Can’t Get Up if You Never Fall

February 13, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! Hope your day is going well.

If you’re in the USA and you’re not living under a rock, you’ve probably heard something about a football game yesterday. A big one. And, as usual, the jury of public opinion is still out on who really won.

Football has always been a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, I get the game and how it’s played. Twenty-two guys with the combined weight of a tugboat face off, separated by an imaginary line, waiting for the fat guy in the middle to toss the ball behind him. Never mind where the quarterback’s hands are all this time. You don’t want to try that one at work.

When the ball finally leaves the ground, these grunting beasts spring into action and try to knock somebody down. Anybody. Preferably the guy with the ball. You get extra credit for that. And then, the guy who sprinted six yards with the ball tucked under his arm goes to the sideline for oxygen. And they call these guys athletes???

The best part is, they only have to “work” for about ten seconds and then they get a break. And if that’s not enough, they can call time-out or pretend to be hurt. That doesn’t work for me. “Boss, I hurt my knee on that one!” “How? You were taking notes!”

But for these guys, the Super Bowl is the culmination of everything they’ve worked for. Every dream, every workout, every smack in the head, all aimed toward one goal – making it into the big game. At that point, the score doesn’t even matter. They’ve already won.

Football is a game of stamina, determination, and the willingness to keep getting back up, even when it hurts. Concussions are common, but in this sport, brain damage appears to be a pre-existing condition. Still, it’s a dream they’ve lived for most of their life, so who am I to poke fun? Besides, they’re a lot bigger than I am. I only look stupid.

But if you ever doubt the power of dreams, the Super Bowl is a perfect example of what we can accomplish. Every one of those guys on the field was once a young boy, barely able to walk. They didn’t start as athletes, and most were probably advised to “go to school and get a real job.” But the dream was too big to be held down.

How about you? Is your dream important enough to do something about it? Is it important enough to get knocked down and stand back up? Football isn’t a game of intellect. It’s about grit and determination and the will to succeed. Get some of that, and there’s not much that can stand in your way.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Success is a Lot Easier if You Try

February 10, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

While the rest of the world is coming to terms with things like rising prices, falling water levels, snowstorms, earthquakes, and disgraced politicians, I’m facing the challenge of a lifetime … getting more people to read my posts. I know, it’s tough. But, because I’m convinced the world is a better place when we combine hope and laughter, I’m doing my part to save humanity.

A little over the top, maybe, but you get the idea. Why do anything if you don’t believe in it? Why spend your days doing a job if nobody cares? Why raise kids if there’s no hope for the future? Why go to church if we’re all doomed? These are questions for the great thinkers of our time. And I hope they have some answers, because I’m not getting any younger. Just ask my wife.

So, given that I’ve already decided I believe in what I’m doing, it seems appropriate to invest a little time in learning just a fraction of what people like Justin Bieber already seem to know … how do you get complete strangers to jump on the bandwagon without spending a fortune in advertising? And believe me, the internet is full of advice, but you have to be much more fluent in geek speak than I’ll ever be.

Build a mailing list! Great, how do I do that? Get people to a landing page! A what? Send targeted ads on social media! Give people a reason to sign up! Offer an incentive! You mean something more valuable than my mere presence in the world???

Okay, that was mostly for fun. I’m not expecting anybody to offer up the magical solution to helping me reach a wider audience, but it backs up an earlier point. Why do anything if you don’t believe in it? And if you do believe in it, why not at least try?

I love talking to people about their dreams. But when I ask what they’re doing to accomplish those dreams, the fire in their eyes goes away. “Oh, I’ve looked at a few different things, but I’m not sure they’ll work … at least not for me.” See, they throw that last part in there because they know what’s next. “It works for some people!”

The quickest way to lose that belief is to sit on an idea until it crushes beneath you. Do something about it. Give it an honest effort. It may or may not be the magical solution you’ve been searching for, but there’s only one way you’ll ever know for sure.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

The Future Has a Mind of Its Own

February 6, 2023February 9, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

The world awoke this morning to news of massive earthquakes in Turkey and Syria. I can’t imagine being at ground zero for something like that and, regardless of your spiritual beliefs, I think we can all agree on prayers for those directly affected. After Friday’s post where I said we often bring some of life’s challenges on ourselves, this is not one of those cases. Those people never saw it coming.

I wonder how many others, like me, were secretly hoping for something other than a Chinese balloon to drown out the news. Be careful what you wish for.

Besides, the balloon is old news. Unless you’re a politician. They’ll never let this go. Amazingly, none of them seemed to notice that we shot it down with a $400,000 missile instead of a $30 bullet. Don’t worry, politicians don’t read this. I’m not sure they can.

Okay, one thing I don’t do in my posts is dive into political debate. There are enough others out there for that. I just found it humorous that a story like this dominated the news for almost an entire week. Then along comes a pair of earthquakes to remind us of what’s really important. Nature is a force more powerful than anything we’ve ever created. And sometimes, its impact is tragic.

I wonder how many of those people sifting through the rubble of their previous life were going about their days, content with the way things were. It happens all the time. Earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, a semi crossing the median into oncoming traffic … events that were completely unplanned. Yet lives are changed in an instant.

Hopefully we live through these events without injury or loss, but some things are completely beyond our control. Jobs vanish. Health issues arise. Cars break down. Economies decline. And most times, we’re just along for the ride. All we can do is plan a path forward after the fact.

Well, plans are more easily executed when all the pieces were in place beforehand. And if Plan B is already underway, it’s that much easier. Have you ever heard anybody complain that they’re too healthy, too wealthy, or have too many options in life? I haven’t. But I do know people who, in the face of unplanned events, are much better equipped to change the circumstances in their favor.

It’s all about looking ahead and writing a few insurance policies of your own. We can never anticipate everything life will throw our way. All we can do is be ready when it happens. Plant the seeds now. You may not be hungry today, but those seeds will never go to waste.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome week!

It’s Cold … But Only You Can Light the Fire

February 3, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! It’s Friday again. Hope your day is off to a great start.

For many of us here in the US, yesterday was a day of reckoning. The groundhog saw his shadow, which basically means a couple of grown men in top hats told the rest of us they heard an overgrown rodent talk. I think maybe they need to get back on that lithium drip. Let’s just get this out right now – animals don’t talk! Parrots don’t count. They’re birds.

So, the official proclamation was six more weeks of winter. And just in case we hadn’t heard that news, Mother Nature decided to throw her hat in the ring. I woke up this morning in the middle of Sonny & Cher singing that obnoxious song. You know the one. And I don’t even have a clock radio. Maybe I’m the one who needs drugs.

Yes, it’s cold out there. Really cold. If you’re one of those who lives for this kind of weather, have at it. Call the boss, cough into the phone, and then put on your snow suit and go play in it. I’ll sit right here in my basement, thank you. Yes, it’s the coldest room in the house. That’s why God made space heaters. It’s still better than being out there.

If you’ve known me long, you know I’m not a fan of winter. And the bad part is, I could be anywhere I want right now. You know, someplace warm. But the RV has two air conditioners, and my wife would be running them both. And I’d be complaining about that.

Have you ever noticed that most times when we complain, we should be lecturing to the mirror? We bring more misery on ourselves than we’d care to admit. Yes, there are always circumstances that pull us into their reign of terror, but more often than not, we put ourselves there in the first place, whether intentionally or not.

Bills fall behind. The car breaks down. You missed a deadline at work. Life is full of disappointments. But when we think back on it, we can usually point to some action or inaction on our part that is to blame. We could be making more money. We could have changed the oil. We could have started the assignment sooner.

Instead of dwelling on where you are, decide where you want to be. Then do something about it. Make the change. Read the book. Start the business. Whatever it takes. Yes, it’s cold today. We can’t change that. But tomorrow can be whatever you want it to be, so dream big! Then take the shot. If you miss, it certainly won’t be for lack of trying.

That’s all for now. Stay warm and have an awesome day!

Frog Too Big? Take Smaller Bites.

January 31, 2023January 31, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is starting off nicely.

Do you ever look around your workspace and think, “One of these days I need to straighten this up?” It’s hard, especially when you work at home. My office is in the basement, and nobody ever comes down there. Last time the tornado sirens went off, my wife got to the top of the basement stairs, took one look down, and said, “Oh well – I’ve had a good run.”

A co-worker last week complimented me during a video meeting about the condition of my basement. Don’t underestimate the time it took to get the camera aimed at such a perfect angle. The room is cluttered, my desk is a mess, and the new flooring I started 12 years ago still isn’t finished because there’s too much junk still piled on top of the old floor.

Clutter doesn’t begin to describe this mess. I have pay stubs from 15 years ago and bills from 1971. They’re not even my bills, because I was in 7^th grade back then. I won’t throw them away because we’re supposed to shred these things. I can’t shred them because the shredder would incinerate. The rest of the mess I blame on my daughters. Every time kids move out, more and more stuff gets left behind. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I once read a book by Alan Lakein titled “How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life.” In the book, he suggested several strategies for optimizing our time. One was to handle each piece of paper only once. Pay the bill, write the response, whatever. Then throw it away. Sorry, but that’s handling it twice. I saved time and money by throwing all my mail in the trash. Voila!

Yes, I know. That’s not the exact message the book was trying to convey. The point was to avoid procrastination and just get it done. If you have to eat a frog, eat the biggest one first and the rest won’t seem so bad.

I think, for many of us, these tasks languish on the “to-do” list because that frog is just too big. So, break it up. You can accomplish a lot in fifteen minutes. Do that for a week, and you may be surprised at the results.

Time is a precious commodity, and we all have a lot on our plate. But nothing gets done if we just sit there and stare at it. Do something. Anything. Big jobs become smaller when we break them into bite-sized pieces. And just like that bag of bite-sized snacks, it’ll be finished before you know it. That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Gravity Too Strong for the Bathroom Scale?

January 27, 2023January 27, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a great start.

So, scientists have determined the earth’s core may be slowing down in its rotation and could be getting ready to turn the other way. Not the earth – just the core. Excuse me? Aren’t these things connected? When the outside of my tires turn in a different direction than the center, that usually means I’m about to have a really bad day.

But the experts say this is just a natural cycle, and nothing bad is about to happen. That’s comforting. Of course, these are geologists. Anybody who has watched Big Bang Theory knows how Sheldon Cooper feels about them. I have no real opinion except I doubt they actually took the elevator down to see what’s really happening.

Apparently, the core is molten rock that is free to sit still or spin in any direction, regardless of what we’re doing way up here on the surface. And when this happens it affects the gravitational pull of the earth’s core. I stopped reading at that point, because now I know why my weight is going the wrong way. It’s not me – it’s gravity.

Don’t take my word for it. A quick Google search will show your weight on any planet in the solar system, and they’re all different. On Mars, I only weigh 98 pounds. On the sun, I’d weigh closer to four tons. So, let’s not go there. I hear it’s hot all the time, and no beaches at all. As if I could find a bathing suit that big anyway.

In a nation where 41% of the adult population is obese, it’s safe to say I’m not alone. I don’t know who decides what we should weigh, but I’m not a huge fan. Still, I know I need to do something about it. You know, besides throwing away the scale. It doesn’t matter, because my doctor has one of her own, and hers is broken. Don’t argue.

At the start of each new year, weight loss ranks among the top in terms of personal improvement goals. We all want to look better and be healthier. But it’s hard, especially with our microwave mentality that says if the results aren’t evident in 60 seconds, we’re doing it all wrong.

Well, weight loss is like any other worthwhile goal. It takes time. Fad diets don’t work, at least not in the long term. Try making small changes, one at a time. Things you can live with for the long haul. When those are going well, make one or two more changes. It takes time, but the results will be worth it. That much I can promise.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Destiny – the Shortest Path to Where You Don’t Want to Be

January 23, 2023January 23, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your Monday is starting off well.

Reusable toilet paper. Can I get an amen? Yeah, I just wanted to grab your attention. That was the topic of a story on the news this morning, right after a segment about the resurgence of paper maps. We’re saving trees on one end, and killing them on the other. What gives?

Everything old comes around again. I’m still waiting for powder-blue leisure suits to come back in style. Yes, I had one. And no, I couldn’t get one leg in those pants, much less my whole butt. Guess that’s God’s way of keeping me from making an even bigger fool of myself.

I still keep paper maps in the RV. Okay, I also use a GPS. It’s not like I need the directions, unless I’m trying to stay on I-75 through Atlanta. Every five seconds – “Be in either of the right two lanes. Stay on the road. THIS road. DO NOT EXIT! Now cross over all eight lanes and exit left to stay on … you know …”

So yes, maps can come in handy. But reusable toilet paper? Folks, I use some pretty good laundry detergent, and that stuff isn’t going in my washing machine. That’s what laundromats are for. Of course, my wife is quick to point out that my underwear gets washed. Don’t think too hard on that.

Okay, I wanted to start the week on a light note, and it looks like the news beat me to it. But you know, we take life too seriously sometimes. That’s one of the reasons I started writing humor 25 years ago. Okay, it was because I’m not an expert in anything else. Sometimes, you play the hand you’re dealt.

It’s what some folks call destiny … the notion that we’re born into a certain life, and we’re pre-ordained to fulfill that destiny. Well, let me just get this out. Destiny sucks! Destiny is just one more imaginary thing on which to blame our lot in life. It means life is plowing forward, and we’re just along for the ride.

Life is what we make of it, and destiny is about as firm as a pile of mashed potatoes. You can shape it any way you want. You just have to accept the fact that you’re in control, and then let your dreams paint a picture of the life you desire.

That’s my hope for each of you as we begin a new week. We’re all on a path to somewhere. We may not have paved the road, but we can certainly choose the destination. And once that destination is firmly in your mind, the rest is pretty easy. Just be sure to bring along plenty of TP.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

How’s That Brick Wall Treating You?

January 20, 2023January 20, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a great start!

I went to work yesterday. You know, to the office. I haven’t been there in over three years. I had to program my GPS to even find the place. Most days, going to work means heading down the basement stairs. I spend my days ten feet from a refrigerator with 6 bottles of water and 42 bottles of beer. What could possibly go wrong?

In 2008, I asked my boss if I could work from home. He said, “Dave, the problem is, I’d be paying you for 8 hours, but I wouldn’t really know if you worked that long.” I told him he didn’t know that now. All he knew was my truck was in the parking lot and I was at my computer. Here’s a tip. Don’t say that out loud. The next day he installed a camera over my desk.

But along came 2020 and Covid left us with no choice. And with very few exceptions, we put the fears to rest and came out on top. Companies continued to grow. Profits were made and bonuses were earned. And we discovered we can still get the job done even if our pants are in the laundry. I’ve seen those videos. What’s wrong with you people?

The point is, we took a situation that could have been catastrophic and made the most of it. Giving up was just not an option. And, as a result, many of us continue to enjoy a work-life balance we would never have envisioned three short years ago.

So, where’s that sense of adventure when there’s something we want, something that’s not quite within reach? We’ll keep beating our head against the same wall for years instead of trying something new for even a day. And at the end of yet another year, we resign ourselves to the “fact” that what we want is just not possible.

Well, I’m glad my boss didn’t give up so easily. And I’m sure a lot of his trusted advisers gave him a dozen reasons why it would never work. But he put his faith in us, and we came through. Put that same amount of faith in yourself, and there’s not much you can’t accomplish. All it takes is a willingness to try something different, even if other people say it’s stupid.

Every challenge presents opportunity. And all opportunity asks is that we recognize it for what it is – a chance to make things better. Take the chance. Prove other people wrong. You may still miss your goal, but it certainly won’t be for lack of trying.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day and an even better weekend!