Motivational Humor – Page 2

Are You Outsourcing Your Future?

February 17, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

So, by show of hands, how many of you pay close attention to your investments? Like, really close. I do. Okay, I don’t even know what my investments are, because I give somebody else a bunch of money every two weeks and they play with it for me. Uncle Sam calls it a 401(k). The rest of us call it our only hope for retirement. Which explains all the old folks working in Walmart.

I’ve tried learning the economic signs that point to ups and downs, and I’m completely lost. Gas prices, unemployment, inflation, gross national product, who’s running first in the electoral polls … I can’t keep up. And none of it seems to matter, because just about the time you think you’ve got it figured out, Wall Street comes along and laughs in your face.

It reminds me of the movie “Trading Places,” where the Duke brothers are trying to explain their business as commodities brokers to Billy Ray. “Tell him the best part! Whether our investors win or lose, Duke & Duke gets their share!” Where can I get a job like that?

In “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” Robert Kiyosaki makes no secret of his disdain for the stock market. Sure, you can make money. And you can lose it, too. Most of us don’t have the financial insight to study the Wall Street Journal and figure out the market, so we hire people who have no life to do it for us. We bet our entire future on their ability to win. Smart, huh?

I’m not against the concept of a 401(k), mostly because it’s an easy way for me to put my paltry sum of money in a pool with a bunch of other people and pray we don’t all go broke. And, over the years, it’s been pretty good to me. But if I had to retire on what I’ve got saved today, I’d have to die next January. And I’m betting I’m not alone in that. Which explains all the old folks playing the lottery.

So, here’s my question. If we’re willing to invest our own money in somebody else’s success for just a cut of the profits, why not invest in ourselves? Take a class. Read a book. Start a business. Oh, and here’s the fun part – once you’ve started, follow through! Find something that works for you, and then keep doing it.

Success won’t come overnight. It never does. But if you believe in what you’re doing enough to get started, then believe in yourself enough to finish. Take control and make it happen. You can do this!

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day, and I’ll see you next week!

You Can’t Get Up if You Never Fall

February 13, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! Hope your day is going well.

If you’re in the USA and you’re not living under a rock, you’ve probably heard something about a football game yesterday. A big one. And, as usual, the jury of public opinion is still out on who really won.

Football has always been a bit of a mystery to me. I mean, I get the game and how it’s played. Twenty-two guys with the combined weight of a tugboat face off, separated by an imaginary line, waiting for the fat guy in the middle to toss the ball behind him. Never mind where the quarterback’s hands are all this time. You don’t want to try that one at work.

When the ball finally leaves the ground, these grunting beasts spring into action and try to knock somebody down. Anybody. Preferably the guy with the ball. You get extra credit for that. And then, the guy who sprinted six yards with the ball tucked under his arm goes to the sideline for oxygen. And they call these guys athletes???

The best part is, they only have to “work” for about ten seconds and then they get a break. And if that’s not enough, they can call time-out or pretend to be hurt. That doesn’t work for me. “Boss, I hurt my knee on that one!” “How? You were taking notes!”

But for these guys, the Super Bowl is the culmination of everything they’ve worked for. Every dream, every workout, every smack in the head, all aimed toward one goal – making it into the big game. At that point, the score doesn’t even matter. They’ve already won.

Football is a game of stamina, determination, and the willingness to keep getting back up, even when it hurts. Concussions are common, but in this sport, brain damage appears to be a pre-existing condition. Still, it’s a dream they’ve lived for most of their life, so who am I to poke fun? Besides, they’re a lot bigger than I am. I only look stupid.

But if you ever doubt the power of dreams, the Super Bowl is a perfect example of what we can accomplish. Every one of those guys on the field was once a young boy, barely able to walk. They didn’t start as athletes, and most were probably advised to “go to school and get a real job.” But the dream was too big to be held down.

How about you? Is your dream important enough to do something about it? Is it important enough to get knocked down and stand back up? Football isn’t a game of intellect. It’s about grit and determination and the will to succeed. Get some of that, and there’s not much that can stand in your way.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

Success is a Lot Easier if You Try

February 10, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning, and happy Friday! I hope your day is off to a nice start.

While the rest of the world is coming to terms with things like rising prices, falling water levels, snowstorms, earthquakes, and disgraced politicians, I’m facing the challenge of a lifetime … getting more people to read my posts. I know, it’s tough. But, because I’m convinced the world is a better place when we combine hope and laughter, I’m doing my part to save humanity.

A little over the top, maybe, but you get the idea. Why do anything if you don’t believe in it? Why spend your days doing a job if nobody cares? Why raise kids if there’s no hope for the future? Why go to church if we’re all doomed? These are questions for the great thinkers of our time. And I hope they have some answers, because I’m not getting any younger. Just ask my wife.

So, given that I’ve already decided I believe in what I’m doing, it seems appropriate to invest a little time in learning just a fraction of what people like Justin Bieber already seem to know … how do you get complete strangers to jump on the bandwagon without spending a fortune in advertising? And believe me, the internet is full of advice, but you have to be much more fluent in geek speak than I’ll ever be.

Build a mailing list! Great, how do I do that? Get people to a landing page! A what? Send targeted ads on social media! Give people a reason to sign up! Offer an incentive! You mean something more valuable than my mere presence in the world???

Okay, that was mostly for fun. I’m not expecting anybody to offer up the magical solution to helping me reach a wider audience, but it backs up an earlier point. Why do anything if you don’t believe in it? And if you do believe in it, why not at least try?

I love talking to people about their dreams. But when I ask what they’re doing to accomplish those dreams, the fire in their eyes goes away. “Oh, I’ve looked at a few different things, but I’m not sure they’ll work … at least not for me.” See, they throw that last part in there because they know what’s next. “It works for some people!”

The quickest way to lose that belief is to sit on an idea until it crushes beneath you. Do something about it. Give it an honest effort. It may or may not be the magical solution you’ve been searching for, but there’s only one way you’ll ever know for sure.

That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!

It’s Cold … But Only You Can Light the Fire

February 3, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! It’s Friday again. Hope your day is off to a great start.

For many of us here in the US, yesterday was a day of reckoning. The groundhog saw his shadow, which basically means a couple of grown men in top hats told the rest of us they heard an overgrown rodent talk. I think maybe they need to get back on that lithium drip. Let’s just get this out right now – animals don’t talk! Parrots don’t count. They’re birds.

So, the official proclamation was six more weeks of winter. And just in case we hadn’t heard that news, Mother Nature decided to throw her hat in the ring. I woke up this morning in the middle of Sonny & Cher singing that obnoxious song. You know the one. And I don’t even have a clock radio. Maybe I’m the one who needs drugs.

Yes, it’s cold out there. Really cold. If you’re one of those who lives for this kind of weather, have at it. Call the boss, cough into the phone, and then put on your snow suit and go play in it. I’ll sit right here in my basement, thank you. Yes, it’s the coldest room in the house. That’s why God made space heaters. It’s still better than being out there.

If you’ve known me long, you know I’m not a fan of winter. And the bad part is, I could be anywhere I want right now. You know, someplace warm. But the RV has two air conditioners, and my wife would be running them both. And I’d be complaining about that.

Have you ever noticed that most times when we complain, we should be lecturing to the mirror? We bring more misery on ourselves than we’d care to admit. Yes, there are always circumstances that pull us into their reign of terror, but more often than not, we put ourselves there in the first place, whether intentionally or not.

Bills fall behind. The car breaks down. You missed a deadline at work. Life is full of disappointments. But when we think back on it, we can usually point to some action or inaction on our part that is to blame. We could be making more money. We could have changed the oil. We could have started the assignment sooner.

Instead of dwelling on where you are, decide where you want to be. Then do something about it. Make the change. Read the book. Start the business. Whatever it takes. Yes, it’s cold today. We can’t change that. But tomorrow can be whatever you want it to be, so dream big! Then take the shot. If you miss, it certainly won’t be for lack of trying.

That’s all for now. Stay warm and have an awesome day!

Frog Too Big? Take Smaller Bites.

January 31, 2023January 31, 2023 by Dave Glardon, posted in Uncategorized

Good morning! I hope your day is starting off nicely.

Do you ever look around your workspace and think, “One of these days I need to straighten this up?” It’s hard, especially when you work at home. My office is in the basement, and nobody ever comes down there. Last time the tornado sirens went off, my wife got to the top of the basement stairs, took one look down, and said, “Oh well – I’ve had a good run.”

A co-worker last week complimented me during a video meeting about the condition of my basement. Don’t underestimate the time it took to get the camera aimed at such a perfect angle. The room is cluttered, my desk is a mess, and the new flooring I started 12 years ago still isn’t finished because there’s too much junk still piled on top of the old floor.

Clutter doesn’t begin to describe this mess. I have pay stubs from 15 years ago and bills from 1971. They’re not even my bills, because I was in 7^th grade back then. I won’t throw them away because we’re supposed to shred these things. I can’t shred them because the shredder would incinerate. The rest of the mess I blame on my daughters. Every time kids move out, more and more stuff gets left behind. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I once read a book by Alan Lakein titled “How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life.” In the book, he suggested several strategies for optimizing our time. One was to handle each piece of paper only once. Pay the bill, write the response, whatever. Then throw it away. Sorry, but that’s handling it twice. I saved time and money by throwing all my mail in the trash. Voila!

Yes, I know. That’s not the exact message the book was trying to convey. The point was to avoid procrastination and just get it done. If you have to eat a frog, eat the biggest one first and the rest won’t seem so bad.

I think, for many of us, these tasks languish on the “to-do” list because that frog is just too big. So, break it up. You can accomplish a lot in fifteen minutes. Do that for a week, and you may be surprised at the results.

Time is a precious commodity, and we all have a lot on our plate. But nothing gets done if we just sit there and stare at it. Do something. Anything. Big jobs become smaller when we break them into bite-sized pieces. And just like that bag of bite-sized snacks, it’ll be finished before you know it. That’s all for now. Have an awesome day!